By Brett Sherman
We have not heard anything about the federal government disbanding the Justice Department. Maybe we missed it. Still, no big criminal prosecutions. This, we believe, is a problem.
Our hypothesis is that there is a big correlation between the ongoing scandals that plauge Wall Street and the fact that not one big financial services executive resides in federal prison.
In the good old days, prosecutors prosecuted and crime didn't pay. It was, we think, Teddy Roosevelt, who said "no man is above the law..." So what gives?
In any event, we think that the absence of any high profile Wall Street prosecutions is a situation that absolutely requires an incredibly stupid and futile gesture on someone's part. Somebody needs to step up and put those who derserve to go to prison in... (you guessed it) PRISON.
Our choice for the job of lead prosectutor is none other then Otter himself - That's right, Dr. Eric Stratton.
Recently, we tracked down Eric Stratton at his Beverly Hills office.
Stratton is a practicing physician. However, he was - for a while at least - pre-law back at Faber College. More importantly, we've seen Otter in action, defending his pals before the Faber Greek Counsel. The guy is a born advocate.
You can do what you want to us, but we're not gonna sit here and listen to you bad mouth the United States of America... Gentlemen!
Yes, Stratton's virtuouso performace came decades ago. Yes, he flashed his brilliant litigation skill at a hearing of the Faber College Greek Counsel (however, Otter's powers of persuasion were evident to us on many occasions - Remember Mrs. Wormer? How about Fawn Liebowitz?)
And yes, he is a fictional character. In this day and age, that is probably a good thing. Best of all, he has a way of getting the best of powerful guys with big egos. Remember how deftly Stratton handled Dean Vernon Wermer.
* * *
When we met with Stratton, the guy was prepared.Otter told us that his clean up would begin with a prosectution of Greg Marmalard (Stratton says the whole crisis can really be traced to a single predatory mortgage that Marmalard's bank originated in 2004). Greg Marmalard; Inventor of Liar loans?
Before we left, Dr. S showed us a video which, in his words, "says it all."A transcript from that video follows- Dean Vernon Wormer Wormer- Tell me son, which industy has a strangle-hold on Congress, and is so powerful, profitable, and amoral that its treats fraud-related liability and fines as acceptable business expenses?
Marmalard (philosophically) - That'd be hard to say, sir. Each business is unique in...
Wermer (growling)- Which industry paid its executives and traders hundreds of millions of dollars for business activities so corrupt that they gave the world the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression?
Marmalard - You're talking about Wall Street, sir...
Wormer - Of course I'm talking about Wall Street, you twit.
Marmalard - But Dean Wermer, Wall Street is already on probabtion."
Wormer- "They are?" (Pauses, thinks) "Well then - From this moment on, they're on double secret probabtion."
Marmalard (confused)- "Double Secret probabtion sir?"
Wormer- "There is a little known codicil in the U.S. Constitution..."
_____________________________________ In closing, we came away convinced that Otter is the man for the job. Anyway, no one else seems willing to do it.