It’s hard to know where to start when I’ve gone so long without writing at all. I’ve been doing some thinking about why I retreated, and I’ve come to realise that it basically comes down to feeling vulnerable. Too vulnerable to share what I’m really going through, perhaps fear of sharing that much of myself, or letting anyone else know the inner workings of my complicated mind.
A counsellor that I’m seeing told me last week that my personality type is very much all inside my head, as it’s a very safe and secure place where no one else can know what is going on. I found this a little ironic as so much of the time I’d give anything to escape what’s going on inside my head! Perhaps that’s half the problem. Does getting it out make it easier?
I cautiously want to say that I’m on the mend. I’ve been on an additional new medication for a few days that’s addressing my insomnia along with the anxiety and depression. I’m sleeping. This may not seem like big news to a lot of you, but I’M SLEEPING! It is big news. It’s beautiful deep sleep that I haven’t had in longer than I can remember.
Now part of me is worrying that this is one of the entries that no one is going to take anything from, but it’s a step towards allowing myself to be here again.