Donald Trump is in the air.
Donald Trump is in our hair.
Donald Trump is everywhere.
From the August 24th sacred sighting in Wildwood, Missouri when his face appeared in vegan butter, to his campaign rally in Iowa where he mocked Asians by speaking broken English, this Republican front runner is inspiring the nation. Twitter is alive with made up Trump quotes about his favorite book - the Bible. On the other end of the spectrum, there has been at least one eerie porn parody of The Donald. Understandably, the bards are waxing poetic.
A recent collection of Classy Poems by Donald Trump includes these introspective free verse gems, " Screw You, Yeats" " Dare to Fly," " Twitter Fight," and my personal favorite:
They make fun of my hair.
They make fun of my hair.
On the street. On dates.
At dinners - a thousand dollars a plate,
And still they do it.
I know you think I'm a total winner, but it hurts!
The way they always make fun of my hair.They call it a fox, a beaver,
A coyote.
They call it a panda - not the one you're thinking of,
But the weird kind.
When I go to bed,
I imagine it's a beautiful creature
From the myths of the Greeks - not the Greeks today,
But a long time ago, when they had their act together...
In the dark, in the night,
My hair gently rises from the 24-karat wig stand,
Flies through the window,
Gallops across fields,
Leaps over streams.
It's free. It's magnificent.
I say to my hair, I like you. You take charge, like me.
I still have to shoot you,
But you won't sit on my wall, big guy.
No. You're going right here, up top on Mt. Donald,
So you can go where I go, see what I see, and date the broads I date.
My hair paws at the earth and snorts. It agrees.
I take its life, its spirit,
And I waste nothing - just like the Native Americans, I use every bit of it.
We go together. We will not be ashamed.
Those who find free verse poems too arsty and pretentious can enjoy Perez Hilton 's populist poetry slam:
And those committed to historical accuracy can watch comedienne Keisha Zollar perform Trump's campaign kickoff speech as slam poetry.
Yes, Donald, you're right. "Our country is in seeeerious trouble."
