Screw an intro. Let's go straight to the trailers, both of which you've probably already seen by now:
Guardians of the Galaxy 2Baby Groot is cute. I'm not completely in love with giving more broad comedy to Drax. But who cares what I think? The movie will be amazing. We'll all go see it and talk about how amazing it was. Some of us will see it multiple times. Others will inevitably chime in with dissenting opinions or at least nitpicky reactions (for all I know, I might end up being one of those people), yet the vast majority of people will simply rejoice in sharing cute Baby Groot memes, half-jokingly lobbying for a Baby Groot spin-off movie or Netflix series. It will be a fun couple of weeks.
The MummyIt's got everything you want/expect from a Tom Cruise blockbuster - a showcase practical stunt (this time an extended glimpse at the interior of a plane while it is in freefall and tossing its passengers around like ragdolls), a gorgeous female co-star (Annabelle Wallis) you just know will never be heard from again in any sequel (should her character survive, of course), surprise cameos from people you wouldn't expect to see in this kind of movie (Russell Crowe here, Anthony Hopkins in MI:2) and, most importantly, shots of Tom Cruise running in that signature Tom Cruise way where his arms cut through the air like swords. Sure, there is no obvious Scientology metaphor messaging, and this is actually a newish genre for Cruise, who hasn't done anything remotely horror-related since Interview with the Vampire. But this still looks like a quintessentiall Tom Cruise movie. What more do you need?
I dunno, how about a bit more of the plot? Pish-posh. This is the first trailer. This is the tone trailer. The second trailer is the "BTW, here's what the movie's actually about" trailer. The third one is the "BTW, here's pretty much the entire movie because we are DESPERATE for your attention and will do just about anything to get it." So, we have that to look forward to.
Although, really, you get enough of the plot here. Military people find some mummy-related artifact which causes a plane crash. One specific victim (the one with Tom Cruise's body) somehow returns from the dead, but he doesn't necessarily fall in line with their new sexy leader (hello Sofia Boutella; nice to see you without those sword legs from Kingsman) who is hellbent on destroying national landmarks.
Cool. Cool, cool, cool....but when are we going to get a better look at Jake Johnson and Courtney B. Vance, the former the man who stole New Girl from Zoey Deschanel and Jurassic World from Bryce Dallas Howard and the latter the greatest Johnny Cochran of this or any generation (and that includes the real Johnny Cochran)? They're in his movie too. Will Vance's character have a wife who rocks his chain?
Universal tried to tinker with Dracula Untold to make it their Iron Man-esque beginning to a planned cinematic universe built around the classic Universal movie monsters. That didn't work out because Dracula Untold wasn't as good as it needed to be. Now, they've turned The Mummy into the new official start of this nascent cinematic universe, but it will only work if The Mummy is good enough. Based on this trailer, I'd say it just might be, or at least far better than expected.
Baby Groot will run away with your heart when Guardians of the Galaxy 2 comes out May 5, 2017; The Mummy probably won't run away with your heart but it'll at least be a fun 2 hour distraction when it opens June 9, 2017. Unless you live overseas in which case you're probably getting both of these movies weeks before us.
