Those of You Expecting Raises, Please Step to the Front -- Not So Fast, You!

Good morning, everyone; and welcome to Acme Grommet and Napkins State of the Quarter Address.  Thank you so much for calling and logging in. 
For those of you new to the organization, that’s me on your screen:  Randolph T. Freakly the Third, President and CEO. 
You know, one of the wonderful things about working in a global organization is the technology that we have at our disposal.  Why, at one time you would have received what we are about to discuss in a written format, something you could read at your leisure and refer to at later dates so as to fully understand what’s going on.  This is no longer true!  Nowadays, we ca- ost – eek – orp-ooh-ah-ah.
Information, synchronicity, leveraging our synergy, these are the byword that result in eep-ook-ock-ick-ick-in-eed.
Hold on.  We seem to be having connectivity issues…
That better? 
Better, right? 
Hearing me, after all, is the first step in understanding me, and we here at Acme Grommet and Napkins are firmly committed to being both heard and understood.
It’s been a rough year here at Acme.  The world-wide economy, the uncertainty around the elections and the time our Facebook comments took away from the work day, my brief stint as an extra on Three and a Half Men, all of these things have contributed to lower numbers than forecasted. 
We’re going to have to get creative, people.  We’re going to have to dig deep.
But don't you worry.  We have plans.
Big plans.
Bake sale.  I’m talkin’ brownies, bars, cakes – who knows, maybe even pies?  I’m just throwin’ it out there.  I’m thinkin’ a dollar a cookie, three-four bucks for a good-sized piece of pastry. 
And what about this?  What about we sell greeting cards? We could go out in teams, go from house to house, knocking on doors.  Fresh air!  Exercise!  Really, it would be remiss of us not to encourage this, if only for the good it will do everyone’s waistline.
We’re just thinking of you.
But seriously, folks, it’s been a tough year.  And we here at Acme Grommets and Napkins want to thank you – not through remuneration, offers of paid time off or other tangible benefits, but through fond looks, e-mail chains laden with smiley faces, and continued medical insurance.
Thanks for joining the call, everyone.  Now let’s get out there and make it a fabulous day.