In the last blog post, I showed you some boundaries you should set up with your man and the mother of his children (a.k.a. baby momma). Now let’s talk about communication. You see, even if you have boundaries, you will still need to communicate not only with his ex, but also with his children. And as someone who has dated a man with children, let me tell ya, if you screw it up, you will lose your relationship with your man. Seriously.
A & B #1: You and Her
Make sure you’re polite and cordial. No talking about how your man (and her ex) is treating you like a queen! Don’t start drama where there needn’t be. Keep everything cordial and about the happenings of the kids. Tell how the kids felt at the pool or how much they enjoyed the movie with you and their father. More importantly, ask how’s she’s doing. Sometimes, just a simple “How are you,” is all that is needed to dismantle a brick wall of hostility.
However, if she doesn’t respond or gives you attitude, do not, I repeat, do NOT reciprocate her negative ways. Simply smile and keep it moving. If she goes so far as to be disrespectful to you in any way, tell your man that he needs to tell her to be respectful.
Why should you tell your man rather than you do it yourself?
Because even though the mother of his children is being rude and obnoxious with you, her anger is not with you. It’s with him. And it’s his job to set clear cut boundaries and one of his main boundaries is that you should be treated with respect.
A & B #2: Your Man and The Mother of his kids
Again all conversations should be about the kids. There is no reason for him to tell her about the problems the two of you are having and it is not the time for her to inquire what is going on in your relationship. Communication should never get into a sexual nature and in fact, there needs to be a boundary set that staying over each other’s homes will not happen under any circumstances.
A & B #3: You and the Kid(s)
Make sure you treat his children as if they were your own. Be sympathetic about their situation and try to understand how hard it must be for them to not live with both parents. Before you initiate any kind of discipline, talk to your man to see what he prefers for his children. In fact, this is a good time to discuss all things child rearing related. (Go here for more things to discuss with your boo before the shit hits the fan).
One of the key elements when dealing with his kids is this: do NOT bad mouth their mother in any way. Not only will the children report back what you say, it will make them feel like crap. Don’t do that to them. Instead, build his children up and make them feel loved and wanted anytime they’re around you.
Effective communication is essential to having a magical relationship with a man that has children. It requires your utmost mature adult behavior. Some people can’t handle it, and if that’s you, you should step away now. But if you can, the rewards will make it worth it.
What are some communication tactics that have worked for you in your situation or in a situation that you’ve observed? Please leave a comment below.