Soccer Magazine

This is a Recipe for Disaster

By Stuartnoel @theballisround

Plans change at the drop of a hat in TBIR towers, so when the trusty TBIR taxi failed a late fitness test, our venue for watching the game tonight switched from The Emirates with the Guardian Football Weekly team to the front room.  But I still needed some amusement so CMF came up with the ultimate challenge.

Blog LIVE, with songs from the 1980′s” She said.  Yeah, yeah yeah..We’ve done that before here.  So she added a twist.

“And you can only choose from 1 Year per ten minute period.  So 0-10 mins will be 1980, 11-20 mins will be 1981″ Ouch – tough.  But we love a challenge so here goes…

0 Mins – COMING UP soon will be full 90 minute commentary with the aim to get in a song a minute.  A tough one we know.  But LET’s GET SERIOUS for a minute.  Do we think Man Utd can win?  Hell yes.  We’ve already rated Valencia and I think he could be the key here.  Man Utd’s lack of height up front could be an issue but then again with Rooney there is always the chance of some MAGIC.

So many songs could be used to describe Giggs’s feelings tonight. I bet he now thinks “SHE IS OUT OF MY LIFE”.  Not if Max Clifford is involved – more like he will be trying to get her as much FAME as possible.

1980

1 Min – And off we go with Man Utd kicking off AGAINST THE WIND. One of these teams will suffer HEARTACHE TONIGHT.

2 Mins – It is a case of DEJA VU with these teams meeting just two years on from that night in Rome when Barcelona took the trophy INTO THE NIGHT.

3 Mins – I CAN’T STAND UP FOR FALLING DOWN seems to be the order of the day for the Spanish so far.

4 Mins – Every time Pique touches the ball SAF must think I SHOULD HAVE NEVER LET YOU GO.

5 Mins – Cagey opening so far – both teams in this for THE LONG RUN

6 Mins – At one point this week Barcelona were worried about the Ash cloud and thought they may have to take the LONG WAY HOME.

7 Mins – One of the Criticism’s level at Rooney is that he has had TOO MUCH TOO YOUNG

8 Mins – Berbatov must be thinking “BROKEN HEARTED ME” at being left out.

9 Mins – Must have HURT SO BAD

1981 

10 Mins – I think it will be a case tonight of WHILE YOU SEE A CHANCE TAKE IT.

11 Mins – Richard Sampson is there tonight but I am NOT A JEALOUS GUY.

12 Mins – EVERY WOMAN IN THE WORLD would want to marry Messi surely?

13 Mins – I cannot see Berbatov staying around can you?  He hasn’t had THE BEST OF TIMES.

14 Mins – WHIP IT in Barca!

15 Mins – Alves is always so exciting to watch.  The way we saw him TAKE THAT ON THE RUN was a lesson to us all.

16 Mins – Given up on ITV HD – picture just started to FADE TO GREY

17 Mins – This really is MORE THAN I CAN SAY

18 Mins – No REWARD for that shot that had Van der Saar well beaten

19 Mins – TOO MUCH TIME ON MY HANDS makes me do stuff like this…Not alot going on on the pitch.

1982

20 Mins – I think we all wanted to see MORE THAN THIS in terms of attacking play from Man Utd

21 Mins – I haven’t heard any of the crowd taunting Giggs yet about THAT GIRL.  Perhaps Sky are dumbing the crowd noise down.

22 Mins – DON’T STOP BELIEVIN Michael Owen  it is written in the stars that you will score the winner.

23 Mins – I Haven’t seen the EYE IN THE SKY camera yet – love that shot.

24 Mins – It is as if both teams are avoiding the PHYSICAL approach in the opening twenty five minutes.  Not the best game for the neutral.

25 Mins – In the HEAT OF THE MOMENT one slip could decide this one.

26 Mins – GOOOOOOOAL – Pedro slots the ball past Van der Saar and he is away like a runner in CHARIOTS OF FIRE to celebrate.

27 Mins – PERSONALLY Barca have deserved their lead.  More attacking intent.

28 Mins – Is it GONNA TAKE A MIRACLE to get back in this one for United?

29 Mins – Whilst Messi is the MAN ON YOUR MIND, Pedro is one of the unsung stars of this team.

1983

30 Mins – Ferguson encourages his side – “LET’S STAY TOGETHER” he says from the touchline.

31 Mins – If United lose this one then it will really be a BLUE MONDAY in Manchester.

32 Mins – 60% possession so far – Barca simply do not GIVE IT UP

33 Mins – ROOOOOONEY – Out of nothing.  Great finish.  A Barca win on the cards?  Well RIP IT UP.

34 Mins – Rooney can never be called a GOODY TWO SHOES but he always seems to have something special up his sleeve.

35 Mins – This game is FAR FROM OVER NOW.  United need to stay focused for next few minutes.

36 Mins – Was Giggs offside for the goal?  OUR LIPS ARE SEALED on that one as too was the assistant referees.

37 Mins – The TEMPTATION for United now will be to sit back and try and soak up the Barca pressure.  Not a wise idea in my opnion.

38 Mins – Wembley is OUR HOUSE.  We need to win this trophy for England!

39 Mins – Messi must be HUNGRY LIKE THE WOLF to make an impression on this game but haven’t seen any of his magic so far.

1984

40 mins – HELLO interesting free kick move by Barca there.

41 Mins – That was MAGIC from Messi, and so close to a goal.

42 Mins – MASTER AND SERVANT relationship between Ferguson and Rooney but who is who?

43 Mins – A goal now would be decisive.  THAT’S ALL we need.

44 Mins – Two balls on the pitch stops play?  WOULDN’T IT BE GOOD if that was a FIFA rule change?

45 Mins – NOBODY TOLD ME it would be this difficult.  Thanks to CMF and Lolly for the assistance so far.

Half time

“the only thing keeping me sane at this time. In knots right now.” @LugePravda.
Thanks Luge – You know you are our only ENGLISHMAN IN NEW YORK

46 Mins – And we are off again.  I wonder what Ferguson said to the team in the dressing room.  Only TIME WILL REVEAL.

47 Mins – LETS HEAR IT FOR THE BOY Messi.  Hard to believe he is still only 23.  Surely he will become the greatest player in the world.  Pele must be DANCING WITH TEARS IN HIS EYES.

48 Mins – I reckon that this period will be an absolute THRILLER.

49 Mins – Just 40-odd minutes in theory away from a long HOLIDAY for both teams.  That was late from Park.  Lucky not to get a yellow.

1985

50 Mins – A Man Utd win tonight will bring back memories of the GLORY DAYS of the 1968 Busby Babes final.

51 Mins – Great save by Van der Saar.  Barcelona are certainly the side that have come out ALIVE AND KICKING in the second half.

52 Mins – IF I WAS Ferguson I would replace Carrick – he is drifting in midfield.

53 Mins – WOW.  And that is why he is the best player in the world.  Lionel Messi – EVERYBODY WANTS TO RULE THE WORLD but only you are.

54 Mins – Man Utd just need to COOL IT NOW.

55 Mins – I fear that Barcelona will just pull back into their defensive formation and form a SOLID wall.

56 Mins – THE RIDDLE of this Man Utd team is that I don’t think Ferguson knows his best front 4.  Nani and Berbatov could have changed this one.

57 Mins – The referee is being quite lenient in this game, letting Man Utd players get away with Niggly fouls especially when Barca are on the ROAD TO NOWHERE.

58 Mins – Pep never seems to SHOUT on the touchline – he just remains calm and collected.

59 Mins – SUDDENLY Man Utd have lost their shape – that foul by Carrick sums it up.  Ferguson needs to make a change.

1986

60 Mins – The LADY IN RED sitting just behind the dugout looks thoroughly bored.  What game is she watching?

61 Mins – Big shout out to Luge who is a Torquay/Man Utd fan LIVING IN AMERICA.  A very stressful day.

62 Mins – Come on Man Utd.  We are officially CALLING ALL THE HEROES now.  Time to step up to the plate and make a name for yourself.

63 Mins – NO ONE IS TO BLAME for Messi’s goal having seen it again.  It was a fantastic strike.

64 Mins – Hernandez is a by-stander in this half.  Surely time for Owen to bring some NOTORIOUS goal scoring instinct to the game.

65 Mins – A DIFFERENT CORNER from Barcelona nearly produced an opening.

66 Min – THESE DREAMS of a double are along way off at the moment for Man Utd.

67 Mins – LIFE IN A NORTHERN TOWN will be hard to bear for some tonight.

68 Mins – First change of the game for Utd – Nani on to bring SOMETHING to the party.

69 Mins – David Villa scores.  Game over for Manchester United?  Some say they are not mortal but they are just HUMAN.

1987

70 Mins – AT THIS MOMENT the trophy is heading back on Iberia flight 132 tomorrow morning.

71 Mins – Owen is Man Utd’s only hope surely?  Otherwise their hope of European Glory will just be  SHATTERED DREAMS.

72 Mins – Come on Man Utd.  DON’T GET ME WRONG I am not a Man Utd fan but I am a fan of English teams.

73 Mins -

74 Mins – Scholes coming on – surely his last game in a Man Utd shirt?  He has had a WONDERFUL LIFE as a Man Utd player.

75 Mins – Let’s hope Man Utd do not concede again just to keep the score RESPECTABLE.

76 Mins – Carrick comes off – I think he has looked out of his depth tonight.  Great player but Barcelona have left him feeling ALONE in midfield.

77 Mins – The Barca fans are CAUSING A COMMOTION behind the goal with their noise.  Top stuff.

78 Mins – DON’T DISTURB THIS GROOVE – Barca are mesmerising when they play like this.

79 Mins – Valencia goes in the book for his 5th foul of the evening.  Frustration?  Becoming a LABOUR OF LOVE.

1988

80 Mins – I bet Man Utd wish they could TURN BACK THE CLOCK to 6pm so they could have picked Berbatov now?

81 Mins – Come on United.  Ten more minutes.  Have FAITH!

82 Mins – When the post mortem of this game takes place in the papers next week I’M GONNA BE (500 MILES) away in Munich.

83 Mins – SEASONS CHANGE but it is still an unbeatable Barcelona side.

84 Mins – Rooney looks SO EMOTIONAL

85 Mins – David Villa comes off looking knackered.  He has real HEART and epitomises this Barca side.

86 Mins – There isn’t going to be any HAPPY EVERY AFTER for Van Der Saar (and Scholes) tonight.

87 Mins – COULD’VE BEEN so different for United with Berbatov in the side?

88 Mins – So the season is almost over.  I wonder WHO IS LEAVING WHO in the summer?

89 Mins – Come on Stuart ONE MORE TRY for the final minute?

1989

90 Mins – 3 mins of added time. HAND ON YOUR HEART, United haven’t been in the races for most of the game.

91 Mins – Barcelona have just had THE LOOK of winners tonight.

92 Mins – Any manager watching that game tonight would have said “I WANT THAT MAN” and he could be referring to any one of the Barca players.

93 Mins – And that is it! It is the GOOD LIFE for Barca here at Wembley.  They came to STOP Man Utd and that is exactly what they did.  DAYS like these do not come very often.  Man Utd were WAITING FOR THE STAR TO FALL in terms of Messi but he was instrumental in winning the trophy for the second time in three years.

And there we have it.  I hope you have enjoyed it.


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