Diaries Magazine

The Twin Tornado Turn Six Tomorrow. I Can't Deal.

By Parentalparody @parental_parody

The Twin Tornado turn six tomorrow.  I can't deal.

This was just a week ago.
Expecting to see them smoking and drinking any day now.

My babies are turning six tomorrow. SIX. I can't deal. Today alone, so much evidence of them growing up that I can't cope with. They swim - and don't need me to hold them up in the water or stay within arm's reach in case they lose their balance. They iPad - All. The. Time. They sing with me - but not nursery rhymes.  Instead, they're correcting my Katy Perry lyrics, my Ed Sheeran song titles. They rap faster and more clearly than me. They totally know when I'm bullshitting them - and sometimes they still humor me. Mature much? I asked them what they wanted to do for their birthday. Mstr5's list of demands included:
  • Ride a motorbike.  On his own.
  • Fart - because that's funny to a boy no matter how old and grown up they think they are.
  • Eat chocolate....and capsicum (I have no idea...)
  • Talk to #1Nana (suck up)
  • Ride his scooter (epic tanty when I denied this one.  Deciding it was not worth the flight back to Perth to pick it up and bring it to him)
  • Marry me (ALL THE WINNING AND ALL THE JEWELS IN MY LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT)

Miss5's list of demands included:
  • Swim
  • Tell #1Pop off (her favorite past time)
  • Ride a unicorn (screwing with me, as she knows they're not real)
  • Go to McDonalds (the one at home, not the one here in Bali...FFS)
  • Surprise herself (massive debate over how someone could possibly surprise themself)
  • Say shed words without getting told off (actually agreed to this one, on the proviso she only whispered them so #1Nana wouldn't find out and tell me off)

Sincerely hope they enjoy spending their special day as previously planned - moving to another hotel - with a free Kids Club 12 hours a day (it's like a gift to them and me). May advise the hotel it is their birthday, in the hopes of a free cake - because I totally forgot to organize one in all my non-rushed, non-taxing, non-domestic holiday time.

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