Humor Magazine

The Sunday Rumble: 29.9.13

By Davidduff

The Generals listened to Cpl. Duff:  Back in January I wrote a post warning of the dangers we face from cyber attack.  To be fair to the MPs of the Defence Committee, a rarity for me, I had merely endorsed a report that they had written urging the government to redouble the effort put into high tech wizardry in order to defend us from attack.  Today, I am delighted to read in The Mail that the Defence Secretary, Philip Hammond, has gone even further and put £500 million into a new cyber attack force!  My delight is somewhat tempered by my suspicion that £500 mill is loose change in the mega-bucks world of high tech systems but, still, it's a start. I am also pleased to see that in a rare moment of commonsense the army brass have lowered the normal minimum physical requirements for servicemen employed in this new arm in the almost certain knowledge that your average computer geek is not exactly SAS material! Being patriotic down to my Union Jack underpants, I am prepared to offer my services because, with all due modesty, I do think a steady bombardment of posts from this distinguished blog would soon have the enemy cowering in their bunkers and pleading for mercy!

Polar bears must be culled:  It's all good news in the The Mail today even if it is late news.  They have just realised, what was already becoming obvious, that the polar

Hope: Despite concerns about future extinction, polar bear populations appear to have stabalised

bear population is increasing not decreasing, as the green swivel-eyed loonies would have us believe.  It is imperative that we act swiftly, decisively and ruthlessly in defence of all those poor 'lickkle' defenceless 'fishies' who are being gobbled up in their millions by these great hairy brutes and so I am pushing for an immediate and large-scale cull.  Apart from anything else, it will bring down the cost of fur and allow me to own a full length white fur coat which , apart from being the envy of all my friends, will prove very useful as the sun goes into one of its minima and 'this septic Isle' freezes over!

More rumbles later . . . 

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