Oh, that rascally Batman. He just makes Superman so angry. When Superman gets like that, he flashes his best “I am super, super pissed, bro” face while marching towards you and ripping your mask off.
Sure, he could use his X-Ray vision to simply scan through your mask to learn your identity, but where’s the fun in that? No, he wants to emasculate you and physically take something from you before he confronts you face-to-face and easily rips your still-beating heart from your chest.
But then, improbably, you don’t die. Instead, you just keep chanting “Omnunshabi” as Superman screams “Kali Maaaa!” to his gathered folllowers, whose chants practically reach orgasmic levels as your body is lowered into a lava pit, burning you alive in some f’ed up sacrifice ritual.
Oh, wait. That’s Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Such a mind-blowing human sacrifice doesn’t happen in the new clip from Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, but, hey, it could still happen in the movie. We don’t know. All we see is Superman taking off Batman’s mask and looking mighty pissed, the pair surrounded by that Superman army we glimpsed in the trailers.
I’d like to think that Superman is simply upset because upon removing the mask he didn’t think, “Bruce Wayne? You’re Batman!” but instead, “Ben Affleck? The Argo guy? What the hell are you doing in that Batman costume?”
Zing. Take that Affleck.
Behold, 50 full seconds from Batman v Superman!
This is all going to be very Frank Miller, and this clip sure makes Superman into more of a villain than we’ve ever seen on screen before. He won’t be the villain, though. They have Jesse Eisenberg around to Zuckberberg Lex Luthor up for that. Eventually, ole Bats and Supes (I’m on a nickname basis with them – they call me, “Who the hell are you?” Those cut-ups) will team up and get shit done, occasionally looking up to ask, “Hey, who’s that woman fighting beside us? She’s some warrior, all right. You might even call her…wonderful.” However, in this 50-second clip I got a real Injustice: Gods Among Us vibe.
If you don’t know, Injustice is a video game which posits an alternate universe where Superman became the world’s mad tyrant after the Joker tricked him into setting off a nuke in Metropolis, killing Lois Lane (and millions and others, of course, but mostly poor Lois). In that scenario, Superman is most definitely the bad guy, and Batman is certainly not a fan. DC launched a prequel comic book series to coincide with the game’s 2013 release, and at this point the comics have arguably eclipsed the video game in popularity. They take place in the five years prior to the events of the game, but they’re already up to year four, publishing new installments twice a month. Superman glares at Batman in those comics (and in the game) pretty much just like he does in this new clip.
And that, my friends, is how you squeeze 500 words out of 50 seconds of Batman v Superman footage that doesn’t really leave you with much to actually talk about. I must be falling behind, though. Other sites are penning 1,000 word essays and composing lists of the 8 things we may not have noticed. Yeah, let’s not over-analyze this. Superman looks mad and takes Batman’s mask off. That’s about it. Just wait a couple more days because new footage is going to be released during Jimmy Kimmel Live on December 2nd.
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice is due out March 25, 2016.
