Relationships have beginnings ,middle and endings. How we see ours and how we cope with the stage we are in is really what matters.
My good friend and colleague blogs frequently.
Here is what he said and I hope it resonates for some of you at some time.
Relationships never end. Death, divorce or separation only changes them. As long as you have memory, you will always be related. We can recognize and acknowledge when a relationship is over or complete, however, relationships never end. The relationship only becomes different. . . it never ends.
Neil Sedaka was right, “Breaking up is hard to do!”
When a relationship is complete, you can count on pain showing up. The pain can almost be overwhelming and we all experience it differently. The pain of a changing relationship often shows up as many different feelings.
We may experience “denial” and disbelief that this is happening to us. Most people will be “angry” and enraged at their partner for disrupting their world.
“Fear” is another common feeling. We fear that we may never love again or that we cannot live without our partner. The intensity of our fear frightens us.
We “blame” ourselves or our partner for what went wrong and replay our relationship over and over, saying to ourselves, “If only I had done this. If they had done that.”
We cry. “Sadness” seems to last forever. We cry some more.
If you were the one that chose to call the relationship off, you may experience “guilt.” You don’t want to hurt your partner, however you choose not to stay in a loveless or dysfunctional relationship.
Your world has shattered. Everything has shifted from the known to the unknown. You become “confused” and disorientated. You wonder who you are. Nearly unsurmountable “doubt” overshadows almost everything.
We “bargain.” We plead with our partner to reconsider by saying, “I promise to change if you will only stay.” Or they attempt to bargain with us.
We “hope.” We ask ourselves, “Is reconciliation possible? Perhaps this is only temporary.” When reality sets in, we may hope for a new beginning; a new relationship sometime when the healing is complete.
Once the decision has been reached to tell your partner you want out, you often experience “relief.” You can finally see an end to the pain, the fighting and frustration of being in an unhealthy relationship.
All of these feelings are perfectly normal. They may feel overwhelming, however they are necessary to engage the healing process. Consider them your friends and know that they will pass, although it may not feel like it at the time.
There is life on the other side of a broken relationship. The hurt will heal AND it will take some time. Be patient with yourself.
Take plenty of time to grieve. Pay attention to you! Work on you and move on with your life.
New beginnings are exciting! They hold the possibility of getting in touch with “you” again. That’s a good thing.
The most important relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself.
Copyright © - Larry James. Reprinted with permission. - This article is adapted from Larry's books, "How to
Really Love the One You're With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship," "LoveNotes for Lovers:
Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing" and "Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers." Author Larry James presents
seminars nationally for singles and couples. Subscribe to Larry's FREE monthly
"LoveNotes for Lovers" eZINE.
Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695.
Send e-mail to Larry James
- www.CelebrateLove.com
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