Surfacing
I've been plumbing the depths of my past lately, investigating and scouring and searching for bits of myself that, at one time or another, I lost. I realize now, I must retrieve those pieces in order to put myself together with some semblance of wholeness.
It's a startling experience to realize that I'd made a number of unconscious agreements to remain stuck, small, and less-than, in order to not upset or surpass someone I love. I did this, in particular, around my relationship with money. And since money is the energy we value most in our society, having a bad relationship with it, has been a negative sum game in my experience.
I talked about my life in terms of 'being broke' and 'unable to afford' ___________ (fill in the blank). I didn't see money as a means of barter or energetic exchange. I imbued it with all sorts of negative trash talk.
- People with money are asshats.
- People with money are lucky.
- People with money are cheats.
You get the idea.
Is it any wonder that I didn't attract what I needed?
This, my dears, is what self-sabotage looks like.
I actually believed in the biblical admonition that, 'the love of money is the root of all evil'. I actually believed that it was honorable to live hand-to-mouth.
I believed these things because that is what I was taught to believe.
And recently, I finally chose to embrace a more affirmative set of beliefs. I chose to believe in my ability to build something, instead of fear what might tear me down.
I simply became willing to do so. That's all it took.
What We Believe, We Receive.
If I believe I am a piece of shit, it is likely I will treat myself as such. As a result, the energetic weather in my life will likely be a shite storm accompanied by a large side of shit.
This is not a mystery.
It's common sense.
What we focus on, increases.
So, how do we shift our focus?
First of all, realize the hot mess we've made of things.
Next, start to clean it up.
Change our behavior. Change our thinking about love, abundance, money. All of these things are interconnected. They. Are.
For me, I found the Unlimited Abundance materials by Christie Marie Sheldon, absolutely life-altering.
Doing what you love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life. ~ Wayne Dyer
The first time I heard Christie, her message electrified me.
"I get paid for being me," she said, matter-of-factly.
I couldn't believe my ears. She's paid (well, I might add) for helping people clear their blocks toward abundant living.
And she loves what she does. You can hear the joy in her voice.
Listening to her made me believe in my own ability to change.
I woke up.
Suddenly, I knew that to have the life I wanted, I had to let go of my attachment to victimization, to the past, and to my old (ineffective) way of doing things.
I needed to reinvent myself. I needed a complete rebirth.
The Magic of Thinking Big.
So, I'm reframing and re-envisioning this life to make some huge changes. I will write more about them soon, but suffice it to say, I am now standing on the other side of a wide chasm I've longed to cross for years.
For years, I did nothing.
I was immobilized by doubt and fear. I truly couldn't move.
Then last weekend I listened to The Weekly Weather with Anne Ortelee, an astrologer in New York City. (I listen to her podcasts every Sunday without fail. They're so helpful.) And she said that this week the stars were going to ask us what our hearts want most.
Not what is practical or what is safe, but what brings us the most joy.
She said we'd have a choice between fear and our heart's desire, and that we should choose our heart's desire, no matter what.
And, suddenly, I became willing to do whatever it took to make my dream open up before me.
I sat for hours sobbing, unable to stop. I was absolutely terrified and absolutely certain of what I had to do next.
I knew it in my bones.
I had to run with all my might. I had to run and jump and not look down.
And that is just what I did.
Now, I'm standing in a whole new world and I see. I see everything clearly.
I see how much power we truly have.
If we believe.
© 2015 Shavawn M. Berry All rights reserved
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