I’ve been rehearsing for a play since October last year and less than four short months later, it has all come to a close. It’s funny how you never have enough time, isn’t it? We had 3 hour rehearsals every week, often twice a week, from October to show day and yet I still need more time. As a new theater company’s first ever project, we had a lot to figure out and plenty to do! Love North was started by our lovely Director, Writer and co-actor (busy lady) Emily Kaye who trained at Drama Studio, London and who was also responsible for casting me as Abigail – merci, merci! The rest of our cast included Brogan Gilbert as my crazy stalker Lilly, Andy Buzzeo as agitated Paul, Kit Alexander as the creepy-cringy Rufus and Danny Shannahan as my brother dearest, James.
By deadline-time my character was clear (I hope) but she wasn’t ingrained. By that I mean that I knew what I wanted to express and how to express it but I did not know why, exactly. I had the basics, knew her immediate life experiences and could even relate my 16 year old self to her and yet it was like there was no blood running through her veins. I felt like Amy, not like Abigail… in rehearsals.
Then the dress rehearsal happened and it was like she’d been given the kiss of life. I still didn’t have enough of her to past to draw from, but her present was very, very real. My brother was my brother, my mother was dead, my father had died and I was very much alone. So the quick succession of events in Abbie’s time in the play were new and scary and tense. My ma & pa said, as a constructive criticism – after seeing the last show – that I never seemed to relax or calm down completely. My question is, could you?
Situation: you’ve just walked six miles to try and find your brother in a church where he might be with a very high risk of being killed on your way there; you just watched the woman who gave birth to you get attacked by you don’t-know-whats (and don’t want to know either) and then when you finally manage to reach your safe place? He’s not there. There’s a blood stained sheet.
Psychopath is waiting for you in the dark and potential-pedophile is your surprise guest for the evening.
I don’t know about you but that’s what I would call a nightmare. I did try to calm down ‘on stage’ but every time I tried something would happen and my hysteria would just creep back up.
For me, the second (and last) show was my best and I don’t mean that I was good I just mean that I felt good– I felt everything. Initially I was worried; the first night was unemotional (but outwardly fine) though the dress run was full of reality I was struggling to connect. In truth, I was acting. Acting that I was upset, acting like I had a brother, pretending my mom had died etc. etc. etc. A play doesn’t always have to be realistic, truthful or a “reflection of real life” but some call for it, need it and thrive from it– or certain characters do, anyway. Abigail needed to be real or she would have been the comical distraught young girl that everyone would find hilariously funny, with no empathy at all for her situation. This would make the show a farce and not the psychological thriller that it is meant to be. So off I went worrying about honesty and reality, stressing over fine details and character relationships when the miraculous happened! I had an epiphany. Keep calm, stop stressing and clear your head. Empty it completely. You have no idea what is going to happen but you know exactly what has just happened and that is all you need to know. Lights go up (metaphorically, I actually went into a blacked-out auditorium with a torch), the audience settle and the stage is yours.
Outcome? Honest emotions, real reactions. For most of it anyway. It’s impossible to be perfect, but there’s no harm in trying.
It’s always a privilege to work with artists who are fully committed and passionate to what they’re doing and it’s such a bonus when they’re all as good as this lot were. We need more theater companies like Love North to give young artists a starting point and place to develop whilst actually on-the-job; not everyone can get into drama school and yet to get better professional work it is ‘preferred’ that you are drama school trained, companies like Love North give young actors experience by working with professionals and students alike. It’s not about where you’ve trained but what you want to be. So thank you, Love North, for helping me on my way there.
