I have to remember that this is our blog, and it’s okay to be a bit personal from time and again. Lately, I’ve been in a struggle of worry, self realization, trying to look towards the future and desperately attempting to find contentment in our current place in life and the situations we find ourselves in. Recently, I finished reading God Loves Ugly and Love Makes Beautiful. And I can say that I really loved it, and related to all the chapters and especially when she talks about contentment. Then I find this entirely honest post by the author. It practically jumped out and slapped me in the face.
Contentment. Such a novel idea. But, will the ‘yet’ ever come? It’s been a difficult few years, trying to grow inside of a new new marriage and it’s like we find ourselves at crossroad after crossroad. We are asked to deal with situations that require a choice over and over again. Now, we have a handful of questions to answer. Where do we want to live and work? When do we know when it’s time to have a baby? How do we move our business if we relocate and grow it into the dream I’ve had for what seems forever? I ask myself what it would be like to be unstuck, and not two people wound up so tight with the weight of the (our) world on our shoulders. How do we find the contentment we seek with so many unknowns? How do we find contentment and just be still?
I can’t say I know the answer, but this I do know. I have the itch to discover something more than merely existing. Bo and I want to have a community and friends around us, and we know that life is bigger than we could ever imagine. I want the “yet” to be the now. Do I know how things will turn out? No. But “if you never try you’ll never know” rings true and my prayer is that me, you and everyone we’ve ever known will step outside of ourselves. It’s time to follow our dreams. Now, I’ll if I can just remember to keep telling myself that.
P.S. A reminder from our friend Jill.
Dear Human: You’ve got it all wrong. You didn’t come here to master unconditional love. That is where you came from and where you’ll return. You came here to learn personal love. Universal love. Messy love. Sweaty love. Crazy love. Broken love. Whole love. Infused with divinity. Lived through the grace of stumbling. Demonstrated through the beauty of… messing up. Often. You didn’t come here to be perfect. You already are. You came here to be gorgeously human. Flawed and fabulous. And then to rise again into remembering. But unconditional love? Stop telling that story. Love, in truth, doesn’t need ANY other adjectives. It doesn’t require modifiers. It doesn’t require the condition of perfection. It only asks that you show up. And do your best. That you stay present and feel fully. That you shine and fly and laugh and cry and hurt and heal and fall and get back up and play and work and live and die as YOU. It’s enough. It’s Plenty.
Filed under: adventures, essay, faith, marriage, rants Tagged: faith, honesty, our marriage, rants