I never thought my relationship with M would end. But it did. It did, nearly six months ago, whilst I was in Uganda. I have never been able to find the words to vocalise anything to myself let alone to anyone else. It is only now, all these months later, that I lie awake at night and this chapter is writing itself. Every story comes to an end eventually. And this is it for nepali love story.
I struggled in Uganda more than anyone will ever know. I was sick constantly, in and out of hospital all the time. The work was challenging. As were the surrounding. I don’t really remember much about it that I liked in the beginning. And it was at this lowest point of mine that I learnt I really could sink much lower once my relationship ended. I even tried to leave Uganda and return back to England.
Yet, I am so grateful for the opportunity of loss in my life. Both M and my relationship had become such a large part of my life and it left a giant crater to my being when I was in an alien surrounding. Having nothing forced me to open up to people I never would have. I suddenly became surrounded by people looking out for me.
It wasn’t until the end of my stay that I had healed (or become numb enough) to be able to enjoy something about Uganda. I moved into Jinja town and spent my last month working at the charity’s head office. I could not believe the amount of people I met that liked me for me. For being Hanna. I could not believe that I had confidence within me.
I was traveling and negotiating in a foreign country on my own. I was doing things I could have never imagined myself doing only weeks before. Let alone comparing the stark difference to who I was in Nepal the year before.
After I returned from Uganda, I went to Heidelberg for the intensive Nepali course that I had already booked and paid for. Learning Nepali for one month was the last thing I wanted to do. Yet, I put on a brave face and Uganda had inspired me to take on this next challenge. Again, my challenge managed to bless me. I met many more best friends and people who I now call family. I was proud of myself to turn something which had been tainted into something that was positive and an experience I owned.
I surround myself with love everyday!
Now I have grown tremendously and only a few months have passed. I have had so many beautiful individuals touch my life and have felt real friendships form. Of course, I have always had the support of my fellow blogging community – even when I have not been an active poster! Now there is not a day that goes by that I do not laugh. I am graciously happy and have even regained the weight I lost whilst in my relationship.
I’ve fallen in love with music again. I learnt how to dance and enjoy it. I learnt how to live. And, I know I’ll learn to love again too. I already am learning to love everything in my life and, most importantly, myself.
I am so excited for my future. If I have come so far in a few months, I am unstoppable in the next year. I have so many things to look forward to in my life and they are all experiences that I will continue to own. I will graduate from university next year and it is keeping me busy to ensure I graduate with the grade I deserve. At the same time, I am helping support my best friend with setting up her charity idea which will both lead us back to Africa.
Who knows, perhaps, one day, I will return to Nepal. But, ironically, it will be Uganda that I will be returning to, once I finish my degree. I feel it is best to exercise my right to fly where I learnt that I first had wings.
