As the title states this post will be about a 28 year old introverted virgin: me. This is a problem I’ve struggled with for a long time. For whatever reason I’ve never been in a relationship and I’ve never had sex. It’s depressing, especially as all of my high school and college classmates are getting married or starting relationships, I’m stuck alone, forever a virgin. I never thought my life would end up like this, alone and pathetic. My parents got married at 27, my sister has been in a relationship for over 5 years, but me- nothing. I envy them. I envy their normal lives. Their love. Their relationships. I envy them, and that makes me devestatingly sad.
I’ve come to the realization that I will die alone and a virgin. I’m an introvert who wears the skin of an extrovert (when I’m outside, around other people I force myself to become extroverted. I force myself to become what other people want to see. It’s horribly tiring. But I’ve become used to it, as I’ve done this all my life. I’ve learned to wear the mask of an extrovert when I’m around other people, to hide the real me: the introvert that I truly am).
Sorry, I’ve gone off on a tangent. Going back to my previous statement- I will die alone and a virgin. I’m trying to come to terms with this. I don’t like being around other people (even though people like being around me, well the extroverted me), as I would rather spend my time watching anime, escaping into the amazing worlds that I see on my tv. I have no ambition, no drive, no hunger. I don’t want money or fame. I’m not interested in corporate life or spending hours working in a job I hate. I have no dreams (well that’s not entirely true as I want to become a writer, but I’m stuck at the starting gate because I realized I’ll never become well known, so what’s the point of even trying. It’s depressing, because writing is one of the only things that makes me happy, but I’m too scared to write), I don’t want kids and I like spending time alone (can last up to a week, sometimes more, depending on the show I’m watching).
The above paragraph exemplifies why Ill die a virgin. What woman would want a 28 year old virgin, with no ambition, no dream, only a love of anime and knowledge. What woman would waste her time with someone who gets nervous when touched by someone else (6 years ago this girl tried to seduce me while I was stoned, it was so weird having her body under mine {we were fully clothed} it didn’t feel right, how can you guys enjoy that? It felt so awkward laying on top of someone. But I guess this is just another knock against me), I’ve only had human physical contact maybe twice in the last year (normal contact like handshakes, hugs etc.) even though I live with 5 other people. Well let me expand on that, I might have only had physical contact with another human 2 dozen times in the last 4 years. It’s just weird to me. I don’t know why.
I lost my train of thought. All I know is that I’m always going to be a virgin, I’m always going to be without a relationship (actually that hurts more, I’m really not that interested in sex. In fact I only masterbate once a month maybe twice if my stress is higher than normal, it just doesn’t interest me. Again what woman would want to deal with a man who cares very little for sex, but would rather have a good conversation and spend time watching a good tv show?)
I don’t know where I’m going with this post anymore, I’m just really bummed now. At least I can spend my time watching anime and escape from this wretched world in the comfort of my room (I forgot to say, I rarely leave my room, except maybe for dinner, or if my friend needs help, or my parents ask me to do something. I spend all my free time watching anime and tv shows; around 8-10 hours a day, maybe more. The rest of the time is spent researching information to satiate my hunger for knowledge and sleep).
Well I’m going to end this post here, there is not much else I can say, especially now that I’ve told the Internet one of my biggest secrets. Oh well, maybe this cautionary tale can help someone else.
Sorry if there are mistakes, I wrote this on my phone as I still don’t have a computer. I hope this post finds you all in good health.
Till next time,
Dave.
Ps. I’m looking for guest bloggers, or other writers who are interested in doing a joint project. Please see my about page for my email address.
