"Happy Wednesday!"
When I was drinking I never wanted to admit I had a problem. When I was drinking I knew I had a problem with it but I was in denial of it. Denial for me gave me the freedom to avoid my problems, issues and responsibilities or accountability towards my character defects and inappropriate behavior. When I was drinking I never wanted to understand many things that really had to do with me, myself and I. Meaning, if someone was to point out one of my character defects I would avoid you, not like you and would not want you in my life. I was unwilling to face the truth about me but was able to face the truth about you and anyone else! I was a hypocrite!
So, why is so hard for others to understand alcoholism or any type of addiction? First, lets look at the big picture, addiction affects the individual along with anyone else that lives or knows that individual. The addiction maybe denied by one or two people involved because the pain is to hard to face, deal with or change one self over it. The one's that do not deny it are the individuals who have come to terms with it, became sober themselves or never have a problem in the first place dealing with things in their life. However, those that struggle with understanding the addiction do not have the same addiction and no matter how many meetings, books, therapy or retreats they attend they can never possibly understand the disease,...only acceptance and tolerance with a lot of detachment with love, which allows compassion can replace understanding. Sound crazy? Not as crazy as how we act, react and live in a angry and resentful life, over the addict or alcoholic, that has affected us in so many ways. I say this because it is like telling a man to try to understand what it is like to give birth,...do you think he would ever understand that? No!, he would have to just accept, tolerate and detach with love when his wife is experiencing the pain of labor,...even if it is a C-section,...understand? I understand it because I am an alcoholic! Yet, others who are not find themselves doing the "insanity dance" instead of stopping and dealing with the real problem,...me, myself and I. Oh, some may be very mad at this point reading what I have to say about all this, but it is the truth and like I said above when I was in the disease I never wanted to hear the truth about myself. Sound familiar? Sounds like we are addicted to those addicted people ourselves! I've been there, done that insanity, I'm not perfect,...just sharing what I have experienced and now aware of. Helps me make better choices! Secondly, I feel that some way or the other we are all addicted to something in our life. It may not be as life threatening but still affects us emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically,...but are we willing to look at own self,...first? If you are a smoker, over eater, under eater, gambler, over spender, addicted to men or women, sex, sugar, shopping, video games, Facebook and the list can go on. Try to take your addiction,...if you are not in denial of it, and seek compassion when you see the other individual in your life struggling with alcoholism or any other addiction. We are not perfect! You will allow compassion in your life. Try to accept your addiction as well as the other individual in your life. You will stop pointing fingers! You will allow acceptance in your life! Try to allow tolerance the way you do for your addiction for that other person in your life that is struggling. You will allow tolerance! Do not get me wrong about tolerance, if you are being physically abused, I am not saying to allow that,...by all means...get out! Lastly, try to understand your own character defects before pointing out someone else. Try to look at yourself before you look onto someone else and realize that no matter how much you try to understand the disease the addicted individual will never change until they are willing too. I feel the more energy spent in trying to understand the disease only takes you further away from dealing with one's self. Stop avoiding YOU! Take the obsession off the addict and convert that energy into understanding yourself! Your life will be more understood!
When I became sober I had to admit I was powerless over alcoholism. After several years of being sober, I had to admit I was powerless over people, places and things,...this was hard, this was aggravating, this was frustrating, this was difficult. Years passed and I still have to remember I have choices today in whether I stay or go in situations that are toxic. It's about understanding my limits! I have choices in whether I react or not react in certain situations. It's about understanding how I respond! I have choices to live a loving, accepting, tolerant, compassionate life today. It's about understanding what how I want to love my life! I have choices to teach my children about addiction not deny it and think that will protect them rather hurt them instead. It's about understanding how I once denied things in my life in order to protect me from dealing with me! I have choices today to express how I feel and what I need the same as for another to do the same to me. It's about understanding how to agreeing when disagreeing with someone's opinion or comment! I have choices in understanding or allowing myself to let go to what it is and move on from there. It's about understanding the meaning of letting go and letting God do for me what I can not do for myself! Mostly, I have choices how I want my life to be today. I choose to love, accept, tolerate, detach with love and be grateful for all the gifts of downfalls I have experienced in my life in order to make it the way it is today. I understand my alcoholism! I understand who I am today!
Do you struggle with understanding someone's alcoholism or addiction? Do you beat yourself up about it? Do you understand your own addiction? Do you have an addiction? If, so, ask yourself why you continue to do the "insanity dance" instead of concentrating on your own issues in order to better your situation!
Today, I will run with knowing how far I have come in accepting, tolerating and finding compassion with someone who is quite not there yet! I will run understanding why I run and leave it as that!
Sobriety Fitness by Cathy Shuba is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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