In 2006, I Gave This Advice To A Woman:
I was 21 years old.
How do you think I did? Have I come a long way in 7 years?
My husband is being really distant lately. He confuses me because one moment he is all about me and the next he is very rude and closed off towards me. This has been an ongoing struggle in our marriage and when I talk to him about it he ignores me.
My Advice:
First of all, I believe he does love you. The love he has might be less passionate and more of a love for the mother of his children. The point is you are not getting what you want. There is no reason why anyone in this world should settle.
He is giving you the run around because he is either cheating and feels guilty, or he is trying to weirdly make up for his coldness when you guys are together.
You should make one last attempt by saying, “Look I am not happy with our relationship and it is driving me crazy.” “There might be something wrong with me having these feelings, so I think we need to see a counselor together.”
If he refuses to say that you need him to go with you. Ask him why he won’t go if it could possibly help the mental stability, well-being, and health of the mother of his kids? If he still won’t go I would consider leaving.
You two are supposed to love and support each other right? If he came to you and said the same thing about getting a counselor; even if you thought things were fine, you would still go because you love him right?
When he throws in those, “wait ugh remember I love you comments,” that is his way of not having to face the situation. He is obviously not very good at confronting his feelings because honestly, the way he is going about this is very childish.
If you take anything of what I say to heart, make what I write here most important: Your kids will be happy if your happy period. Of course they will be upset and angry at first, but then they will be fine. They won’t feel weird or outcast, over half the children in each one of their classes have parents that are no longer together. My parents got a divorce when I was eight. Now that I look back on it, if they hadn’t I would probably have grown up to be a very angry person, who never felt comfortable or safe. Kids interpret hostility and conflict between the two of you as fear. Kids are smart they can sense it no matter what you do.
Don’t wait. I hate when people say, “I was waiting to leave until they were off to college.” Why? so by that time you and your partner are at each others throats, and drag your young adult children through a tug of war in a massive legal divorce. Then you have your grown children trying to take care of their parents instead of starting their own lives. Happy Dad, happy mom = happy kids.
Your husband isn’t evil, he’s just a insecure, and immature . You can’t be stubborn in a fleeting spastic way. If he won’t get help with you then it is time for you, your husband, and your kids to go get happy.
Think back before you were married, this isn’t who you are.
I hope you guys get the help you need and it works out. By the way whether he decides to go to counseling or not, you should see one yourself immediately. Rather you leave him or not you need to see a counselor too. Keeping all this inside only creates chaos. It is always great to talk to family and friends but most of them aren’t professionals. Best of luck and all the best!
THIS ISN’T YOU.
