Health Magazine

Showing HER Appreciation - Part 2 Time and Priority

By Gbollard

Showing HER Appreciation - Part 2 Time and PriorityThis is part two of the "Showing her appreciation" series which is aimed at helping males with Aspergers syndrome understand what is needed to keep the neurotypical females in our lives happy.

Last time we talked about flowers. Most of what was said there is true for other kinds of gifts too, like chocolates and jewelery. I'm not suggesting that you "buy your partners off" but simply that everyone appreciates ah-hoc gifts which show that you were thinking of her.

If you were put off by the materialism of last time, you'll be relieved to know that this time it's "free" - but it's much harder to do.
The Past
I used to treat work-time as absolutely sacred. I work my allotted hours and more without overtime pay because it's part of my committment to the job. I've got staying power and I've been in the same job for the last eleven years.  Like many men, I'm often said to be "married to the job".
My job involves constant interruptions, lots of meetings, phone calls and office visitors. It's not unusual for me to have a queue outside my door.  I would take interruptions from home very personally as I'd have an emotional wife on the phone with a roomful of businessmen. I'd often say; "I can't talk to you now" and hang up.  You can imagine the problems I faced when I finally got home.
The other thing that would happen would be scheduled appointments - with school, doctors or paediatricians. Invariably, they'd be in a remote location in the middle of the day. Invariably I'd miss them and to top if off, I'd wait until I got home to discuss what happened. Sometimes I'd forget entirely and wonder why I was being looked at expectantly and then with increasing anger.  Of course eventually I'd be greeted with the words; "aren't you forgetting something" and it would lead into the whole guessing-game routine which, when I got the answer wrong would turn into the "you just don't care" rant.
I'm sure that there are a lot of readers out there who are very familiar with these circumstances.
What can the Aspie do?
Get a diary and whenever you find out about an event, such as a meeting, add it in. That way, even if you can't make the actual event, you still know that it occurred and what time it was. Try to say good luck on the morning before the event and try to find some free time quite soon after the event to call and ask how it went. This makes your partner feel cared about.
I've never been one for answering machines but if an event has occurred and you can't talk to your partner then you really should leave a message.
If it's an important event - essentially, the type of event that will make your partner cry - then you need to be there. Talk to your boss as early as possible and try to get the time off. I used to think that I was better off saving my time up for holidays but it turns out that little moments like this are far more important for my family. Of course, if it is at all possible, try to "work from home" even if it means that you'll be away from the desk for several hours. You can always start earlier or work later if you are at home.
"Crying events" include weddings, important funerals, progress discussions with teachers, critical doctors appointments, anything to do with pregnancy and birth and several other types of "random" emergency events.  Don't miss any of these.
If for some reason, you can't make an event, spend some time with your partner a day or two earlier preparing for it. Make a list of questions that you would like the answer to.  Chances are that your partner will consider most of your questions to be rubbish (and say "haven't you been listening to anything I've been saying" or "if you'd read some of the books I wanted you to read...." but at least you've shown that you're interested and you may well have highlighted some important knowledge gaps.
Dealing with emergency events
Emergency events are a totally different proposition. There's no warning and the event usually happens on a day when you have a critical meeting.  If at all possible, you should drop everything and leave work to be present.  If not, maybe leave as soon as your meeting is over - or even try to have it rescheduled to finish earlier.
Emergency events don't have to include damage.  They don't have to be traffic accidents or hospital visits.  For example, if your parter is starting to feel sick, you might offer to bring the kids home from school.  To do this, you would need to leave work early. It seems unnecessary but sometimes you need to make it clear that your partner is number one - not your job and certainly not your hobby.
What can the Female Partner do to help?
The female partner has responsibilities too and there's a few things that you can do to make these moments easier for your aspie  partner.  Write down your appointments and consider emailing them to your partner so that they can add them to the diary.  Make it clear which ones require his presence and which do not.  Remember that he's only got limited amounts of leave time and that if you use it up, there's no family holidays.
If at all possible, try to co-ordinate events so that they occur on the same day and in close proximity.  This makes it much easier for your partner to take time off and get "everything" done.  If you need to contact your partner at work, be careful.  Ring and see whether he has time to talk.  If not, ask for time and arrange for him to call you back at a certain time.  Don't try to end phone conversations in lovey-dovey kissy baby-talk either because you never know when you're on speaker phone.
If your partner does forget to ask about an event, don't get mad. Talk about it.  You don't need an invitation to talk about your day. It should be an implied topic.  The same goes for changes of appearance. Your partner may not recognize a change of hairstyle or color. Instead of being angry about it, be happy that he accepts you for who you are.

You Might Also Like :

Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog

These articles might interest you :

  • We'll Drink to That | Sauvage Beverages Introduces the Maltini

    One of our favorite cocktails are martinis. We can't help but love the sophistication and elegance of this delicious cocktail. In fact, we have various martini... Read more

    The 06 March 2015 by   Glasgow Skinner/ My Life On And Off The Guest List
  • My Near Death Experience

    Previously: Know Your Religion Okay, the title of this post is a bit of a cheat, but it's all I could think of right now. If you're expecting me to relate an... Read more

    The 09 March 2015 by   Rockwaterman
  • Pros and Cons of Nuclear Energy

    Nuclear Energy Pros and Cons As of today, nuclear energy is considered as one of the most environmentally friendly source of energy as it produces fewer... Read more

    The 07 March 2015 by   Rinkesh
  • Boots & Hearts 2015 Countdown and Preview #2

    We’ve been over the fact that we’re excited for Boots Hearts 2015 – and we keep saying that we aren’t alone in that excitement… well today, we prove it! Read more

    The 06 March 2015 by   Phjoshua
  • 5 Reasons That You Need to Eat Prunes

    This shriveled up fruit can actually gross up the appetite of a few people. But once you learn the health benefits of the same, chances are that you will start... Read more

    The 09 March 2015 by   Health_news
  • International Women’s Day – A Thought for Kivu’s Mothers and Daughters

    By Jane NishimweCongolese women protesting against Rwandan support to M23 – September 2012Across the world, the 8th of March marks a global celebration in honou... Read more

    The 09 March 2015 by   Therisingcontinent
  • Happy Birthday Baby

    We celebrated our little man’s first birthday yesterday, it was a quiet affair but that's just how we like things. The girls got to pick out a cake, balloons an... Read more

    The 09 March 2015 by   Saltykisses

Add a comment