Interesting post found here.
I do not think this person really has or had Schizoid Personality Disorder (SPD). I am not sure what is going on with them. Some think he is an Avoidant who adopted some schizoid defenses as a result of life circumstances. Others said he is just someone, not necessarily, an Avoidant, who adopted schizoid defenses as a result of life circumstances.
Every single SPD on the forum said, “Look, you are not one of us,” so I think there is something different going on with him. For one thing, he feels horribly depressed when he is depressed. Schizoids simply say that when they are depressed they feeling nothing. Others say they feel more empty than usual. Others doubted that someone could become SPD in adolescence from a normal base due to stresses. They said sure you could develop some schizoid defenses, but you could not actually become SPD. Because SPD, while a defensive structure, seems to be more a matter of “who you are.”
This person woke up at some point as a result of a trip of psilocybin mushrooms and realized what an ugly hole they had dug themselves into.
I agree. This is not a case of SPD, though it sure looks like one. He’s also managed to dig himself out of it at an early age too, which would be very unusual for an SPD. Probably any of us could adopt schizoid defenses if we chose to. The introverts among us would be much more likely to do so than the extroverts. The extroverts would find it too painful. Then again, I was crazy extroverted as a young man and then later in life I worked myself into a state where I was called a hermit and a loner.
I have no reason to believe this about all people with SPD, so this thread is only intended for people who became schizoid at some point in their childhood due to some combination of natural shyness, abuse, neglect, peer rejection, trauma, etc.
In my case, a combination of natural shyness/sensitivity, skinniness, lateness to puberty, a special needs brother with severe behavior problems, visible (occasionally extreme) fighting between my parents, and then very neglectful and overly critical single parenting by my alcoholic father following my parents’ divorce when I was in the 7th grade propelled me to become schizoid. I was very anxious and insecure around people and I intentionally became and remained a loner.
I lived in my own world (but of course couldn’t see this at the time), I was emotionally dead, and I utterly lacked motivation…just extremely apathetic. I made awful grades in school, and I did very little productive with my free time, just playing video games or watching tv. My personality became very bland, emotionless and even kind of cold, depending on the setting; I was basically Spock. And, though I couldn’t of course recognize this at the time, I didn’t even fully understand people. I didn’t fully grasp what it meant to ‘judge’ someone, and novels and movies weren’t particularly entertaining to me (now they are, because I now actually understand people).
I dropped out of college after my first year and moved into my aunt and uncle’s house. They tried to be overly and explicitly loving. I also became pretty good friends with my cousin. After about six months I moved out to live on my own. There I sunk into a depression, but it was a very odd depression. I spent about twenty hours a day on average either lying or sleeping on my couch (also my bed), and I’d think and read about suicide quite a bit…..yet..I didn’t really feel that bad..I didn’t feel anything. Something was really, really wrong, but I didn’t know what it was or what to do.
A few months later one of my brother’s good childhood friends tried to acquaint me with some of his old high school friends. I started smoking weed with them, and by myself. My ‘friendship’ with them didn’t really last, but I kept smoking a lot by myself. Frustrated by his failed efforts, my brother’s friend tried again to get me a group of friends…except this time, he was very, very blunt about how ‘weird’ and ‘boring’ I am. He would even introduce me to people by something something like, “This is Joe; he’s really weird.” (I thought he was being a dick at the time, but I can now see he was doing that for my own good; a large reason I had and have so many problems is that I didn’t see any point in changing or trying to overcome them.) I guess that and weed started to break down my schizoidness a bit, and I actually started to feel my depression. Holy $#%^. And I started to hate myself for my failings in life, academically and socially. My depression got worse and worse, and I began to feel it more and more.
Desperate to ‘figure myself out’ and put an end to my depression, I acquired something I can’t speak of on this forum. That something I acquired caused me to fully wake up emotionally and to the world in general. It shed all of my defense mechanisms. It made me a normal human being with normal desires and concerns; I now actually lived in the world, and cared about my life in the world….. It also sent me into a very deep and spiraling depression that still hasn’t gotten much better…. but I’m now actually motivated to overcome my problems…problems I before couldn’t even see or care about (or that I refused to see or care about).
I’m starting from square zero in life at the age of twenty: I have no personality, no friends, no social skills, no hobbies or interests, depression… but I at least have a very strong desire to overcome all of this. Had my friend not tried to help so adamantly, and I had not acquired the something I can’t talk about on here, I would have probably stayed in my emotionally dead, bored of life state for a very, very long time…until I very slowly but surely realized everything I’ve realized at the (relatively) young age of twenty.
I’ve made this thread because I very much wish I woke up to all of this much, much earlier in life. A lot of you probably have attitudes something like “I don’t care; I don’t want to change; I don’t need people; I’m happy as I am.” I had a similar attitude in high school. And it may well be true currently (but do note that it’s not really true: you guys aren’t happy; you might not be sad, but you’re emotionally dead, bored, and far from happy), but you’ll probably eventually break more and more out of your schizoid world sooner or later. And the longer you wait, the worse it will be. Try to snap out of it as soon as you can, or you’ll be kicking yourself at some point in the future.
