What would Mr. Rogers say?
I know I may not be the friendliest neighbor in the world. In fact, I’m probably in the bottom half of folks you’d want living on your cul-de-sac. But even though we may not always see eye to eye on where you blow your grass or when you burn your leaves, I still have the common decency to give you a quick wave when I see you rolling down the street in your rusted out S-10. So why can’t you return the favor? It’s not like it takes much effort. A simple wave doesn’t all of a sudden imply that I want to share a cemetery plot with you for the rest of eternity either. It just means that I won’t run you over the next time you’re out for a stroll with your wife. It’s me saying, “I’m probably going to be spending the next 10 years of my life taking a s*** less than 20 feet from you, so we might as well get along.”
Apparently you don’t feel the same way. Maybe it’s because I sneak over to your property when you’re not home to spray your Creeping Charlie before it spreads into my yard. Maybe it’s because I like to blast Journey’s Greatest Hits in my garage on nice summer days. Or maybe it’s because I do my morning yoga in the nude with the blinds open. Whatever the reason, it just seems a little silly to hold onto a grudge so tightly that you can’t even give a quick flip of the wrist as I drive home from work. But if that’s the way you want it, that’s how it’ll be. Just don’t send your little rug rats over here anymore peddling their crappy fundraiser goods, because I’m not interested…unless it’s Girl Scout cookies. Then I’ll take 8 boxes of Thin Mints, please.
BUT YOU CAN GO TO HELL IF YOU THINK I’M BUYING CARAMEL DELITES TOO!!