Humor Magazine

Rule #37 – Stay Inside the Lines

By Don Mega

Rule #37 – Stay Inside the LinesYou would think it would go without saying – especially since we’re taught to stay within the lines from the time we get our first coloring book – but wherever you go these days, you’re bound to run into several folks rebelling against organized parking. I realize that the public school systems in our country are facing a budget crisis that is causing many districts to consider dropping Driver’s Education programs altogether, but our kids still have to learn how to drive somewhere, right?  Are Americans really that terrible at driving? Or are they all just a bunch of assholes? To be fair, I guess we really don’t know all that much about their individual situations. Let’s examine the possibilities…

See that Honda Accord over there? That car belongs to a working mom who simply doesn’t have the time to be giving precious seconds away by shifting from Drive to Reverse to Drive over and over. She already worked a ten hour day before dropping Junior off at soccer practice and picking up Maggie from dance. She probably just needs a little Me-Time at the mall. After all, this JCPenney sale only lasts until Friday and those black heels (of which she already owns three identical pair) aren’t going to buy themselves.

What about that Buick Skylark parked halfway over the curb? That probably belongs to an 89 year old grandmother who, even on her good days, can’t remember which side the gas pedal is on. The fact that she even ended up in the right parking lot is a pretty impressive feat, all things considered. Chances are she’s one ticket away from having her license permanently revoked anyway. It’s just too bad that her handicapped sticker will go to waste.

But what about the guy driving that brand new shiny Corvette? He’s taking up two entire parking spaces just so he can protect his paint job from getting dinged up by those other brain dead drivers. That seems reasonable, right? Sure it does…until you realize that he’s parked in front of the Dollar Tree, at which point you can’t help but question his financial priorities. Hmm…New sports car? Or food that hasn’t already expired? I think I’ll go with the chick magnet!

I guess it’s just more proof that America is full of self absorbed assholes…or maybe they just didn’t spend enough time coloring when they were kids.

For more fun with parking jerks, check out

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