To: Office Workers Everywhere
From: Don Mega
Date: April 5, 2011
Subject: Office Memos
Please stop wasting my time with the circulation of unnecessary memos. The entire office does not need to be informed every time you’re going to Chili’s for lunch. Oh, you’re thinking about ordering the grilled chicken salad? Well, in that case…let me convene an emergency meeting to discuss the pros and cons.
We could also do without your annual tips for surviving winter. Wear a coat? Keep a blanket in the car? This is Illinois. For some reason I already knew it was cold.
You think I’m wasting too much company cash on excessive photocopies? How much company time/money did you waste crafting and sending me this ridiculous memo telling me about it? I tell ya what – why don’t I interoffice you a Xerox of my ass, so you can kiss it.
Just make sure you have it back to me by Friday afternoon.