So you can brew your own beer. Good for you. That doesn’t mean you have to tell me about it every five minutes. Hey look! Another status update on Gary’s Russian Imperial Stout! Looks like the fermentation of the mashed grains is well underway…whatever the hell that means. Does this shit even taste good? Am I going to actually enjoy drinking this garbage or is one glass going to make me feel like I just consumed an entire loaf of bread?
What’s wrong with running down to the local Stop & Go for a case of Bud Light – you know, that creepy place around the corner with the bullet proof glass protecting the cashier so they don’t get robbed three times a night? What’s wrong with their beer? It’s dirt cheap. If you’re underage, you can probably find a vomit-scented homeless guy in the alley to buy it for you. And best of all, you don’t have to wait for freakin’ ever to drink it. This stuff is ready to go right out of the box. So while you’re hanging out in your garage wearing your white lab coat, pretending you didn’t fail high school chemistry, I’ll be getting hammered on the best Milwaukee has to offer (I know this because it says so on the side of the can).
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go chop down a tree. I’m making my own notebook paper.