Review: Something Blue (Artemisia Theatre)

  
  
Something Blue 

Written by Julia Proudfoot  
Directed by Azar Kazemi
Fasseas White Box Thtr, 1535 N. Dayton (map)
thru Nov 4  |  tickets: $25   |  more info 
  
  
  
  
  

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‘Something Blue’ is something rotten

Artemisia, A Chicago Theatre presents

Something Blue

Review by Lauren Whalen 

It’s rare that a play describes itself through its own dialog as accurately as Something Blue. During the brief yet interminable 100-minute running time, the characters used the phrases “self-indulgent, self-pitying narcissist” and “a total f—ing waste.” With such a qualified cast and crew, Artemisia’s world premiere has no excuse for being so unequivocally terrible.

Mia (Julie Proudfoot) and Parker (David Blixt) are the two most boring people in the world. She is an artist who’s had some success, he is a writer who’s had none. The smug couple – think Will Ferrell and Rachel Dratch as “The Lovers” on “Saturday Night Live”, only not funny – have inexplicably managed to purchase a Chicago loft and spend the last 10 years following their passion, with no consistent income whatsoever. Mia and Parker like to talk about their feelings, and for 100 minutes this is literally all they do. Oh, except for when Mia creates a self-portrait in which she is naked and decapitated, and subsequently threatens Parker with a knife. Parker reluctantly gets a job (the horror!) and wants to destroy the painting. Then they talk about their feelings some more.

I should have loved Something Blue. I like it when characters discuss their emotions. I find the creative process fascinating. I love Artemisia’s mission to showcase female-driven work.

And yet, I abhorred Something Blue.

In addition to starring as Mia, Proudfoot is also the playwright. Perhaps she had too much on her plate because neither her words nor her acting are in any way effective. Stories with unlikable characters and/or stylized dialog can be deeply moving and entertaining. However, everything about the script rings false: Mia and Parker are both awful and dull. Even though they’re the only two people on stage, a long-married couple in their own home, their words and actions are forever presentational. Proudfoot may have tried to emulate Chekhov or Whit Stillman with her stylized dialogue, but only succeeded in being repetitive. (Case in point: If I’d taken a drink every time Mia said “do you love me?” I would have been rushed to the emergency room with alcohol poisoning.) It’s not enough for characters to discuss their feelings and innermost thoughts. There must be conflict and action. Also, the characterization proved both inconsistent and stagnant: both Mia and Parker seem radically different from scene to scene, while staying exactly the same.

Proudfoot’s performance is as weak as her writing. According to her bio, she has many TV and film credits, and it’s possible she’s better on camera. Her Mia, however, is stiff and robotic – even when the character is supposedly undergoing a nervous breakdown. Blixt fares somewhat better. Most likely, he’s very talented when given better material. Both actors seem uncomfortable with their surroundings, thanks to director Azar Kazemi’s incredibly awkward blocking. And Blixt and Proudfoot noticeably dropped lines, which is both unprofessional and inexcusable.

I’ve said it before: Chicago theater is both great and terrible. On the one hand, anyone can put on a play. On the other hand, anyone can put on a play. With so much going on any given night of the week, competition for audiences is fierce and thus, productions must meet high standards. When reviewing plays, I take the company into context. If it’s a smaller and/or newer company, with much fewer resources than, say, Steppenwolf of Goodman, I hold them to a different set of design standards. I sometimes try to offer feedback as well as outright criticism. But Something Blue has earned my utter wrath for the sheer cockiness of its highly qualified cast and crew. Again, director Kazemi is a DePaul Theatre School MFA graduate. Both Proudfoot and Blixt are Equity actors. They are not new to the Chicago scene, nor are they working with a limited skill set. So why do they present such a (to quote the script) “self-indulgent misery” and have the gall to charge $25 a pop? There are no excuses here. None. Everyone involved with Something Blue should have known better.

Rating: ★

Something Blue continues through November 4th at the Fasseas White Box Theatre at The Drucker Center, 1535 N. Dayton (map), with performances Fridays and Saturdays at 8 p.m., Sundays at 4 p.m. Tickets are $25, and are available by phone (872-228-9566) or online at BrownPaperTickets.com. More info at ArtemesiaTheatre.org.  (Running time: 1 hour 40 minutes, includes an intermission)

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artists

cast

Julie Proudfoot (Mia), David Blixt (Parker)

behind the scenes

Azar Kazemi (director); Noah Hayman (set, props, lighting); Cara Adams (costumes); Jeff T. Gary (sound design, operation); Jack Hawkins (sound technician), David Blixt (fight choreographer); Jacob Shuler (stage manager); Zac Malsich (light operator)