It seems that wherever I go, people tell me their relationship stories. Of course it is because I’ve shared my passion, that of being a marriage counselor and coach. I truly love what I do, and people feel free to tell their stories.
Just yesterday at the salon, a lovely young woman who was drying my hair shared her long-term marriage plans with me.
She let me know that she and her fiancé met at a young age and have been engaged for five years. As soon as I heard “five years,” my question was, “When are you getting married?”
She continued to say, “We have been dealing with that question a lot. People assume that there is something wrong with us that the engagement has been so long. But we are happy and doing other things. We are building a house, and my husband-to-be is completing an advanced degree.
“We haven’t felt the need to marry yet. Both of us are in our mid-20s, so we’re relatively young. Yet we know the seriousness of a lifetime commitment—for us, there will be no divorce.
“Oh, by the way, I do have a dress, and my mother has been looking at venues for a spectacular wedding. I am an only child. Every mother wants a wedding for her daughter.
“We have been growing into our own skin and finding we have been changing. Luckily for us, we are changing but still loving and accepting each other. We feel the time we have spent getting to know each other has been valuable.”
Wow, how about that for a story? It certainly seems that this young couple already has some wisdom for their future.
But it doesn’t end there. They’ve thought this out.
“We have decided to get married on the courthouse steps. We have heard so many horror stories about planning the perfect wedding, an event mostly for the guests and families. We want our wedding vows and day to be just for us. We will have two random people to be the witnesses, maybe find some people walking along the street and ask them to be present at our vows. This way, no one gets hurt that we didn’t choose them. But I do have a dress, and we will have pictures taken of our special day.”
So there it is: two people who want to begin their married lives by stating their vows simply and honestly.
Now to be fair, many brides want a wedding. If that is your desire, of course, go for it. But this couple doesn’t want the complication of wedding plans and the financial strain that it could incur.
In telling you her story, I wanted to present a different perspective. In my practice, I hear stories from many couples who say that they wanted to bail very close to the actual wedding date, but felt they couldn’t because of all the money put toward the wedding. Then there are other stories about all the conflict with the planning and trying to please all family members, to say nothing of the major financial commitment. So this couple has decided to do it another way.
“A wedding is a life event that is supposed be filled with joy, exciting, and a memorable experience for the bride, the groom, and the guests alike. While weddings require attention to a myriad of details, and months of planning, most go off without a hitch. This not the case in the upcoming ‘A Wedding to Die For’ Dinner Theater production at The Huber Opera House (HOH) in Hicksville, April 4–5. Presented by The Hicksville Village Players, and Hicksville Kiwanis, this production will benefit HOH projects. The audience will enjoy a rendition of a bride’s worst nightmare.”
Whatever both of you do, make your wedding special and make it yours. It certainly doesn’t have to be a “nightmare.” And most of all make it a lifetime commitment. Take the time to really know each other and be able to say “I Do” with conviction. Be as sure as you can that he or she is “it”. Most of all make it a day to look back at with fond, loving memories, one you can talk about and even laugh about forever.
