"Happy Monday!"
I was reading some comments the other day on Facebook and stumbled across a post that had offended many people in this particular recovery group. Many people were concerned for the newcomer. Now, this is not the first time I have heard this or saw this. I have also seen many post, "The newcomer is the most important person!" This is true, but what about the members that have one or more years? How do you distinguish a newcomer? Is it by day, by month, months or certain years? When or who decided they are no longer a newcomer?
I needed to share with all of you my opinion and how I view this "newcomer" description. For some of you who already know me, already know how I feel about this when said in a meeting, wrote in a comment or shared amongst others in recovery. These individuals who do know me will be already smiling as they read this. Many Blessings to you! For those who do not know me, this is how I feel. When I first became sober I knew nothing about sobriety let alone how to stay sober, take care of myself mentally, spiritually or physically. I had a God in my life but did not understand much about him only that I was raised Catholic and that I should pray when I needed something, go to church so I would not end up in Hell some day and mostly I was told to do certain things or act a certain way so that God would not have reason to punish me. When first being sober, I was scared, lost, lonely and was left with the uncertainty of how my life would end up. I was surrounded by many people at meetings but still at times felt lonely and scared. I knew nothing about me, you or how to live sober! I was surrounded by loving, caring and concerned people at the meetings which gave me hope. I was also surrounded by some dry drunks and Big Book Thumpers that scared the hell out of me. I never wanted to be sober in that way, let alone say I was sober and act the way they were at meetings and especially with a new comer, like myself. However, later in my sobriety, I learned to pray for them, accept them and realized even though they chose to live that type of sobriety I still was able to learn from them,...I was still blessed by them,...I was given the gift of HUMILITY...by them! I was able to see myself, realize what I wanted in my recovery and always be HUMBLE in my recovery...by them! On the other hand, I never saw them like that in the beginning stages of my recovery, it took 5 years to come to this spiritual awakening and what an awakening it was! It was a gift! It was a blessing in disguise! It was God doing for me that I could not do for myself! I was humble! I have grasped humility in my recovery and have never let it go! It was then I realized I was still a newcomer. Always a newcomer! Forever a newcomer! I am a newcomer!
Why? What is really the difference between me and the newcomer? I say NOTHING! Now, some of you may be shaking your heads or saying what the heck is she talking about? I say this because even though I have many years in sobriety I still do not know everything! I still do not know everyone! I still allow myself to be teachable! I still have my ups and down days! I still am not bullet proof! I still do not know everything about myself! I still do not live a perfect,...not that I want too, life! I still live in the "progress over perfection" state of mind! I still have fears, worries, uncertainties and many more obstacles to overcome in my recovery! I still look forward to learning more about myself, others and how to strengthen my recovery. I still allow myself to be willing to share my experience, strength and hope with others. I still, at times, get nervous going to a new meeting, leading and writing in this blog! I still struggle with asking for help! I still ask questions if I do not understand something! I still work the 12 steps, go to meetings and talk with people in recovery. On the other hand, if I do NOT look at myself as a new comer, I limit myself in my recovery. For instance, if I compare how many years I have over you...I will become unteachable when I need to be teachable! If I start giving advice over suggestions,...I become controlling instead of just listening! If I start judging other people for the way they work their program, how they live and how they think,...I become judgmental and close minded...when I really need to be open minded and accepting! If I talk down to you,...I become egotistical...when I really need to have humility and compassion! If I choose to be unwilling to listen to suggestions, to not grow from my mistakes and take criticism with a resentment,...I become angry and resentful...when I really need to do is forgive myself and others! Furthermore, my recovery is so much more when I view myself as a newcomer. I never want to take for granted my recovery and who I am. Today, I choose to be a newcomer in order to grow, live a life of freedom and love others and myself in my recovery. I am a newcomer!
There are so many more things that classify why I look at myself as a newcomer and the most important thing I have learned through all of this is how I remain humble with myself and a new face in the program of recovery. We are all equals,...just struggling with different things or issues in our life! You and I are a new face, new friend, new gift to you and me,...a newcomer filled with hope, desperation at times, fear, love, open arms, questions, humility, acceptance, sometimes anger tied with a resentment, ego, selfishness and mostly the willingness to share mine and yours experience, strength and hope with so many more in recovery. We are all NEWCOMERS! I am a forever newcomer!
Do you see yourself as a newcomer? Is it hard to see yourself as a newcomer even when you have many years of sobriety? Today, I will run with an open mind, knowing it allows me to be forever teachable in my recovery and life.
Sobriety Fitness by Cathy Shuba is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at www.sobrietyfitness.com.
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