Uncertainty, Tears, then Fun!
The fun just doesn't stop here! Yesterday was Martin's birthday and his girlfriend had organised a surprise cocktail party for him at the apartment. It was so much fun and luckily a lot of people spoke english, so Steph and I talked to a couple of girls who worked at Heike Kemmers' and some other non-horsey people. Unfortunately my head wouldn't let me forget it this morning, but I sweated (yes, you can still sweat at 3 degrees) and rode the toxins out by lunchtime.The days at the barn get better and better. When I first started there was a stage of uncertainty of whether I was doing things right or not, then there was a stage of being a bit of a lost cause because I didn't really know my place or value there, but now I am really settling in however I only have one more week to go.
The lost cause bit was the hardest and I do admit I shed some tears back at the apartment. Sometimes I didn't feel like I was good enough, sometimes I was just sick of riding horses with so many bloody problems, and sometimes I was just tired and wanted to be with my friends who were having the time of their lives at our year 10 formal. Mum and Nan gave me a big lecture and after that I was motivated again.
If one thing is certain, it's that you will not make it here if your heart isn't in it. I had to think about why I actually rode, why I loved it and why I put my whole life into it. Is it because it has always been available to me? Or do I do it for the love of horses and riding? I have been thinking about this over the past week at the barn, and have found it is a mix of both. It is only because horses have always been there in my life that I have developed my passion for riding and working with a horse as a partnership. To be honest I don't think I would do it if I weren't able to own my own horse and had to make do with riding other people's problem horses, but I would work hard at a barn in order to keep my horse there and have lessons.
I admire Martin so much for his dedication. He has worked up to being a Bereiter, and although he doesnt own his own horse he still works on other horses at Leonie's and then after work he teaches lessons and gets home late at night. There is certainly some serious passion there.
It inspires me to want to ride every horse the best I can despite it's problems. It is my job as a rider to work with them, not against them, and handle it the best I can with patience and tact. With this mentality I warmed up a horse today with multiple physical problems, made him feel the best he can possibly feel, so that when one of the head riders hopped on after, she went straight onto one-time changes and piaffe and gave some (rare) praise for how well I rode him.
Things like this have given me the satisfaction and a sense of value that I have to the barn and other than to ride Julius (the highlight of my day) it makes me want to keep going back, to keep pleasing the people and to keep helping the horses. Along with this is the fun I have now that I know every one better and that Steph is there to have a good talk to and have a tea/chocolate cappuccino break with at about 1.30 whilst hiding in the tack room and feeling guilty that we should be doing something. There are no more tears now :)
