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So, you’ve had children and watched them grow up through that wonderful age when everything is cute or beautiful. You’ve been on that first day of school, your heart wrenching with sadness as they walk away from your hand and enter their first day truly away from you. Then come those long afternoons before science fairs, spending hours building that volcano or creating that greenhouse.
If you thought that was hard, then you haven’t seen anything yet!
When your children hit those teen years, it’s time to brace yourself because at every step, there are chances that all your work and effort may go up in flames or down in drugs. However, instead of locking your teenage children up in homes, you need to ensure that you handle the situation better and create a more amenable atmosphere at home.
- Communicate: Don’t alienate your children – communicate with them. Harsh words being exchanged are extremely common, but the best approach to such a situation is to keep the communication channels open. If it doesn’t work a couple of times, don’t quit! Keep at it but remember to give them the space they need.
- Be There: If you create an atmosphere where your teenage son or daughter finds it natural to come up and talk to you. If they feel that they will always be a step ahead of you, then they are more likely to come up and speak to you. This will make them, voluntarily, come forward with their issues or doubts, giving you more opportunity to be supportive.
- Your lives were different: This is one of the hardest things for parents to realize that times, today, are vastly different from what they were in their time. Today’s parents didn’t have access to computers, the Internet and mobile phones when they were teenagers. The problems and issues then were different and even though they might still exist today, more things have been added to that list.
- Give them Space: Every now and then, your teen might get into a state of frenzy, when they don’t want to talk to you or give you the time you are worth. They just seem to want an argument and fight with you. This could be because they are being defensive about something or because they want to avoid something. When they say “you don’t understand”, it’s probably because you don’t! Stop putting them under pressure to tell you what’s wrong, and find another way, like a friend, to convey your message.
- Stay on the Ball: The more clueless you are about the goings on in today’s world, the more likely you are to be fooled by your teenagers. They could be undergoing massive changes but you could be stuck in your stone-aged ideas. Make sure you know where they hang out, what they do there, what clubs they are a part of and what kind of friends they hang out with. Do not accept everything they say – that would be the biggest mistake you could make.
- Set Rules: There should be rules for everything but they should be there beforehand, not five minutes after you’ve found out about something they’ve done wrong. Come up with rules, share it with them and explain their boundaries to them. Ensure that they obey them by enforcing them at every opportunity. Above all, be fair!
- Punish Effectively: When your teenage children do something wrong, and they will, you need to punish them. However, the punishment cannot be something that doesn’t teach them a lesson. For e.g. if you find out that they have been throwing harassing an old neighbour, volunteer them at an aged care home. If they are coming back after curfew, take away night-time privileges for a week. Basically, make sure that the “crime” and punishments are on level ground, so to speak.
- Praise when Needed: When your teenaged children do good, its important to praise them and treat them. Again, the reward should be proportional to the good deed. If they take out the trash, don’t rush out and buy them a car. Keep things, again, on a level field.
The basic thing you need to remember is that as parents, you need to be fair. Your teenage children are more likely to listen to you and obey you if they think you are being fair. Rules and regulations always need to be fair! Their stories need to be heard out. Don’t force them to undergo a Chav quiz because they are dressing funny or take a lie-detector because they are being less than truthful. Remember to keep things in perspective and be consistent with your behavior. That is all it takes to have a perfectly happy family!
Dr. Charles McKenna – author
When it comes to child psychology and behaviour, Dr. McKenna has practically written the book. With over 17-years of experience in dealing with children of all ages, parents and their cases, Dr. McKenna has become an expert on the field. His study has taken him into the realm of behavioural patterns in teenage children, making him an expert when it comes to creating stereotype-specific tests and quizzes, such as a Chav quiz or a Punk test. Dr. McKenna has, over time, offered his services to everyone from magazines to clothing lines.
