Humor Magazine

Proof That the Posh Boys Are Lying Liars

By Davidduff

Government Health Warning:  Reading this post may ruin your health, or at least, give you violent indigestion during your Christmas lunch!

So, how's all that austerity for you, then?  Feeling the pinch, are you?  Forced to tighten the belt?  Had to cut down on the kids' Christmas presents, did you?  Cold cuts for Xmas lunch?  Well, I'm sure you will be cheered to know that as far as our government goes there is no such thing as austerity - it's all spend, spend, spend and if things get a bit tight then there's always Wonga or PayDay Loans or somesuch who can be tapped up for a quick loan.  If you can bear to read the details here they are in perfect 'officialese', the language of our beloved masters - I have taken the liberty of highlighting some words:

  • Public sector net borrowing was £17.5 billion in November 2012; this is £1.2 billion higher net borrowing than in November  2011, when net borrowing was £16.3 billion.
  • Public sector current budget deficit was £15.8 billion in November  2012; this is a £1.0 billion higher deficit than in November  2011, when there was a deficit of £14.8 billion.
  • For the period April to November 2012, public sector net borrowing (excluding the capital payment recorded as part of the Royal Mail Pension Plan transfer in April 2012) was £92.7 billion; this is £8.3 billion higher net borrowing than in the same period the previous year, when net borrowing was £84.4 billion.
  • In 2011/12, public sector net borrowing was £121.6 billion; this is £4.4 billion lower than the Office for Budget Responsibility (OBR) forecasted net borrowing for 2011/12 of £126.0 billion.
  • Public sector net debt was £1083.6 billion at the end of November 2012, equivalent to 68.5% of gross domestic product (GDP).

If, like me you have difficulty reading 'officialese' which tends to come out like Cantonese which has passed through an enigma machine backwards, here is a simple diagram that tells you all you need to know and I have indicated by an 'X' top and bottom when 'Brave Dave' and 'Gorgeous George' took over our financial affairs:

  X  

Proof that the posh boys are lying liars

  X  

The time-honoured phrase 'up and down like a whore's drawers' comes to mind but what is clear is that our two 'posh boys' are a couple of chancers!  When they say 'cut' they mean 'spend', and when they say 'austerity' they mean 'good times', and when they say 'live within your means' they mean 'borrow loadsa money'!  If you are confused then so is Fraser Nelson at The Coffee House to whom I am indebted for the meat of this post.  He explains it, thus:

Simply that there is a detachment between the government’s rhetoric, which is all preaching against the evils of debt, and what the government is doing, which is cuts averaging less than 1pc a year and a national debt rising faster than any Eurozone country. A combination which is making credit rating agencies increasingly uneasy as they assess whether 2013 will be the year of the British downgrade.

There can now be absolutely no doubt in anyone's mind, come the next election it must be ABC - Anyone But Cameron.  Vote for the Monster Raving Loony Party if you like - but do not, under any circs, vote Tory or Liberal.  They must be punished!


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