It’s a busy world. We all have deadlines, people to see, things to do. We have competing multiple tasks for our time. Email, phone, face-to-face mean we are in communication all the time. It also means as professionals in the medical world you are required to treat all communication at the same level, ie. email is just as important as phone or face-to-face time.
If a medical professional says “email me and I will respond”, or “you can contact me anytime by these methods”, you take them at face value. It means basically a handshake. They have given their word that they are available and will respond when you contact them.
Living an eating disorder, whether sufferer or carer, means you need to be able to contact someone to make or change appointments, crisis management, information etc. Often you find you need answers long before you next appointment, that’s if you have another one set up.
Imagine then what it is like for us, when there is no answer. When you don’t email back, you don’t return phone calls. It’s not like eating disorders are an illness that everyone knows about. We cannot just ring anyone else and get the answer we need. Specialised eating disorder professionals are very thin on the ground and we don’t have choices. It feels like you are in a void, no one is talking to you, you don’t know what to do, you don’t know where to go. In front of you your loved one is having a crisis (or you are yourself) and you can’t get answers or even manage to book an appointment.
We know you are professional medical people and for some reason that puts you above us the ordinary people. But not responding when you say you will, means you are not professional at all. Treat us with respect, care and integrity please. We do not have the answers we need, you do, and we require those answers for very real life illness/caring situations. You add to our stress, frustration, confusion, loneliness and sense of worth when you ignore us.
When eating disorders first strick, it is a very scary and confusing time for the family. We need support, we need answers, we need to not feel cut off from the medical establishment that offered to be there for us.
We wonder just how sick or messed up our lives have to be before you decide to respond to our communications.
So please, spare a thought for the person whose email you just ignored, the phone call you didn’t have time to respond to. We contact you because you said we could. We contact you because we need support and answers.
