Then she brings up my weight.
Let me say real quick that I put my scale in my closet a few weeks ago. I have worried about my weight for as far back as I can remember. I must have been in kindergarten when I became aware of the fact that I was much bigger than everyone else in my class. I was also much taller so that didn't help. And I was never fat. I would never refer to myself as fat. I've just always been thicker and curvier and noticeably bigger. A few weeks ago I told myself to just rest. Don't think about food as an evil thing. Think of it as nourishment for your baby. And don't think about the fact that you're gaining weight because you will obviously gain weight. Instead, think about the fact that you are growing a human being inside of you. For the time being, my body is not my own. Back to my doctor's office. "You've gained twenty-three pounds and we only want you to gain twenty-five pounds during your entire pregnancy," my OB said. "Just smile and nod," I said to myself. "Focus on getting twenty minutes of exercise a day and eat three small meals and two snacks each day," she went on. I just continued to smile and say, "Okay." My OB is probably five feet tall and super petite. I'm 5'9" and I have a much larger build than her. I wanted to tell her how I've struggled with my weight for nearly twenty-five years and this is the one time in my life I promised myself I wouldn't stress over it. Added stress is not good for the baby. AND every test is showing that I have a healthy baby inside of me so why should I worry? Instead of saying any of that to her I just smiled and said, "Okay." I don't know her story but I can usually tell when someone has never worried about their weight by the way they talk to me about my weight. My midwife has never said anything to me about my weight and I think that's because she and I have more in common. This morning, I pulled my scale out of my closet and weighed myself after I ate breakfast. I probably should have weighed myself right when I woke up but oh well. Then I pulled out my day planner from last year and I looked up my weight around the time I got pregnant. I did the math and I've actually only gained sixteen pounds. Later this afternoon I had a voicemail from my insurance company telling me that I have been registered for their new get fit website. Hmmm. I wonder who registered me. I want to practice not worrying about my weight now because I have to set an example for my daughter. I do not want her wasting years of her life stressing over calories and pant sizes. I want her to have a good relationship with food and I want her to be happy in her own skin. I never want her feeling like she needs to change. I'm trying to get myself to that place now at nearly thirty so that I can teach her early on. I'm not going to even visit the get fit website I was registered on. I know how to be active. I know how to eat healthy. I know how to lose weight and I will lose all of the weight I've gained and more after the baby is here. But until then, I am going to focus on not being hard of myself, not worrying and setting a good example for my baby girl.
