Daikoku, Ebisu, and Fukurokuju Counting Money by Keisai Eisen
I recently heard this joke:Is it OK for a yogi to use email? Sure, as long as there are no attachments.
I thought it was pretty funny—I did laugh out loud—but actually it was that joke that got me thinking seriously about the topic of attachment. Patanjali was clearly serious about this when he wrote down the first four sutras:
Atha Yogānuśāsanam: Now begins the study of yoga
Yogaś citta-vrtti-nirodah: Creating harmony by stilling the fluctuations of the mind
Tadā drastuh svarūpe vasthānam: So we rest in our true nature and experience peace
Vrtti-sārūpyam itaratra: Otherwise we struggle and create unhealthy patterns
Some pattern of attachment to our stuff, our relationships, our behaviors, our health, and ultimately life itself is part and parcel of our human existence. Of course, strong attachment patterns to anything can become unhealthy and result in addiction (Overcoming Addiction Through Yoga and Meditation) but finding a healthy attachment pattern can reduce our level of struggling and help us work toward stilling the fluctuations of the mind.
The definition of non-attachment (vairagya) can be found in sutra 1.15. Here is a translation and definition of non-attachment from my favorite Sutra commentary:
The consciousness of perfect mastery (of desires) in the case of one who has ceased to crave for objects, seen or unseen, is Vairagya. — I. K. Taimni, The Science of Yoga
But can we realistically cease to “crave for objects seen and unseen?” That’s a tall order for those of us who live our lives as householders. If we take it literally, do we give up all material goods and relationships and devote our lives to selfless service (seva)? Or does this mean that we keep what is important but work to understand the level and depth of our attachment patterns so that we are emotionally able to accept and cope with loss when and if it happens? And it will happen. Loss of stuff, relationships, behaviors, health, and ultimately life itself is inevitable.
At the deepest spiritual level we come to understand that gradually, over time, and with a great deal of practice we may reach total non-attachment, which according to the Sutras will guide us to ultimate liberation or enlightenment. However, practicing healthy attachment patterns on the householder level will keep most of us working with this concept for a long time. It’s a process that begs finding a middle ground.
Here is one of my favorite teaching stories that illustrates the technique of working with the level and depth of the attachments we do hold.
Once upon a time there were two monks who lived side by side in neighboring caves. One monk owned only a wooden begging bowl that he used everyday to receive food from the nearby townspeople. The other monk owned an impressive collection of begging bowls, which he proudly displayed on stone shelves carved into the cave walls. The monk with one bowl was somewhat disapproving of his neighbor’s bowl collection thinking it improper for a monk to have and display so many material objects.
One day they decided to visit their teacher who lived on a mountaintop across the desert that bordered their caves. The monk with one bowl tucked it neatly into his clothing. The other monk carried several of his bowls in a heavy sack that he slung over his back. As they crossed the desert a fierce sandstorm overtook them. The strong wind and the force of the sand ripped their clothing and carried off their bowls. The monk with one bowl was distraught. He moaned loud and long about the loss of his one bowl while the other monk who lost all of his bowls was calm and serene, simply accepting what had happened. “It is what it is,” he said. “Let us continue on our journey, one step at a time.”
I read or was told this story some years ago. I don’t remember the source but I have never forgotten the message, which illustrates, for me, that the bottom line of practicing non-attachment is not how much we have but how attached we are to what we have. Our level of attachment then affects our response to a loss. Is this an easy practice? No, of course not. Is it worth working on? Absolutely!
Experience and self-reflection can point us to what we might be strongly attached to and what would leave us feeling emotionally distraught if we lost a particular item or had to give it up for some reason. And it may be easier to start the practice of non-attachment with material objects as opposed to thoughts, emotions, and relationships. It helps to take one thing at a time and to start with the small things.
Recently, I got an email from my son, which I thought was strange because he usually communicates by texting. His message said, “ I forgot my phone at home today. Mixed feelings. Kinda naked, kinda blissful detachment....interesting...”
My response was, “Enjoy the moment of self-awareness.”
A few days later it happened to me and I emailed him with the words “my turn” in the subject line: “I left my phone at home yesterday and didn’t have music for my yoga class. Experienced a flash of panic and then calm acceptance.”
He replied, “Acceptance is much easier on the nerves.”
I think that says it all.
But just forgetting or misplacing a cell phone is one thing. Losing the phone, your wallet, or the keys to your car permanently would understandingly be a more distressing experience. Entirely on another level would be sifting though a lifetime of possessions trying to decide what to keep and what to give up. The experience of downsizing can be daunting and can move a number of emotional attachments front and center. Nina wrote about this in her post Non-Holding (Aparigraha).
And sometimes we can experience a delayed “attachment reaction” to items that we happily gave up. For instance, last year I decided to buy a new car and give my 2000 Subaru (named Miss Kitty because she purrs) to my niece who was turning 16. The decision was easy but the actual act was something else entirely. I was kind of stunned at my feelings a few weeks later when I drove to her dad’s house to drop off the car. It felt visceral, like I was losing a friend! For 16 years Miss Kitty had carried me through heartbreaks, disappointments, health challenges, long trips, and bad weather. My breath caught in my throat as I gave my niece the keys and for a longer time than I’m comfortable admitting, every time I saw that model on the road I’d get a sinking feeling of loss in my gut. It was a direct experience of recognizing an emotional attachment that I hadn’t realized I had and then moving through the process of letting go.
Letting go is a process we will face at all levels and stages of life. Practicing non-attachment in small ways prepares us for the bigger challenges. There’s a Zen proverb that reminds us of how important this practice can be: “Let go or be dragged.”
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