This week at Naked Truth the message was on singleness. Honestly, I dreaded it. I hate being singled out because I'm single... especially because I don't want to be single. I understand the church's desire to address the single community and I appreciate their enthusiasm in reaching all of their members. But to me, talking about singleness just makes it that much more unbearable. I don't need to be told by yet another person that God has a reason for my singleness, that He has a plan. I know all of this, believe me!
This was where my annoyance started and it continued to ebb and flow over the remainder of the evening and eventually leaked into my week.
I was pleasantly surprised by some of the material presented as parts of the discussion included things that I hadn't thought of before. A fresh perspective is always welcome and I was eagerly awaiting what other nuggets of truth would be presented.
Imagine my frustration then, when this simple, yet fresh discussion was blown to pieces (in my mind) when certain stereotypes were spouted out. I admit the stereotypes were probably an attempt at being comical, but in my mind it failed miserably.
The stereotype was this: Leave men to their own devices and they play X-Box or look at pornography. Leave women to theirs and they go shopping.
Funny? Perhaps.
True? NOT AT ALL.
I hate shopping. Therefore I was clumped in with the men as being a porn watcher (well, former, but you get the idea). How many women go through life believing they are a freak because they think pornography is a man's problem? I cannot tell you the number of women I've spoken to or emailed with that say: “I thought I was the only woman who struggled with this.”
Why is that?
Because we don't talk about it.
(Without going off on yet another tangent, please see my post from a few weeks ago to read more about my plea to address this issue in the Church.)
Statistics from 2003 state that 1 in 6 women (including Christians) have struggled with pornography addiction. 70% of which admit to keeping their cyber activities a secret. This isn't just watching porn sporadically or watching it out of curiosity... this is women who are addicted. And this was 9 years ago! Can you imagine how that statistic has changed with the increased saturation of internet usage and sexually-laden advertising?
Being that there were probably a few hundred women there on Sunday night, I can pretty much guarantee that I'm not the only one who has been affected by addiction in this area.
It is my opinion that the church played it safe on Sunday night. Here was this amazing opportunity to talk about singleness and the struggle with sexuality specifically while being single. They had the "Parental Advisory" warning up on screen. They've been advertising this forum as a time to tackle the tough topics. And while the issue was addressed they did not do the topic justice. They barely even made a dent.
Yes, I am ultra sensitive to this issue, because as a single woman I have struggled with being a sexual person while still being a Christian. It has been an extreme struggle for me. I'm sensitive for a very good reason.
Women do not need to be stereotyped as shoppers. They need to know that they are not alone in their sexual struggles. Men do not need to hold the burden of fighting the purity battle. They need to know that it is an ever-increasing issue that can often be triggered by sexual abuse/misuse, mistreatment from the opposite sex, etc.
To be clear, this is not a blame game. I'm not saying that it's any one person's fault for not going deeper in addressing this issue. I understand how tricky it can be. I understand that the topic is a tough one and that most people don't even know how to broach the subject. I understand that some people don't want to hear about it. With that said, it's not OK to play it safe here. Playing it safe is what's keeping this sin in the dark and keeping these women locked in shame. You have the platform, you have the audience... now do something with it!
Please.
