Over Before It Even Started

So yesterday was toughDuring the day I took some time to recover from the stress of the whole date situation I called over to my neighbourI thought she would be interested to hear about the date Seeing as she had a hand in getting us togetherHer reaction was very strangeAt first when I told her She seemed really confusedLike she didn't know what to sayThen she asked me if I was sure he didn't have a girlfriend hidden away somewhereAnd quickly changed the subjectI leftFeeling like something felt fishy about the whole situation
Then last night he rang I missed the callAnd rang him back about 40 minutes laterStraight off he said that he'd had a nice time the night before But didn't want to take things furtherI didn't know what to saySo I said I felt the same way tooAnd that it would probably be best if we stayed friendsI got off the phoneFeeling a little  shell shockedThe first thing I thought was thank God I didn't go along with him the night beforeThank God I stuck to my guns and out a stop to itAs I am now thinking that he was only after one thingAnd that he possibly still has a girlfriend 
Even though I wasn't sure if I liked him or notI still felt hurt and rejected I had told everyone that the date went wellAnd I just felt so stupid and usedOf course it's his perogative whether he likes me or notBut the reaction of my neighbourAnd him pouncing on meIt just doesn't add up
I won't lieI almost fell apart last nightI shed a few tears Spoke to my mother and my sister The general consensus was that he wasn't worth my tearsBut I still felt stungI meanI can't stress how much of a big deal it was for me to go on this dateI was so anxious that I hadn't eaten for two and a half daysThe whole thing has just left a bad taste in my mouth
I went to bed early last nightAnd wine in the early hours with trapped wind I was so uncomfortable I kept having to go to the bathroomIt finally disapated this morning Over all I feel better this morning Last night I felt like such a failureSuch a freakThat no one could like or love meI went from zero to suicidal very quickly I also craved drugs like nobodies business Anything just to get away from these horrible feelings
So that's itIt's over before it even startedIt's left me feeling confused and rejecrted And pretty sure that he still has a girlfriend I'm just sorry that he picked me to use As I really don't have the emotional strength for this kind of thingThis morning I feel a little betterDetermined to pick myself up and move onI've decided to throw myself in to my recovery And improving myself So that the next time this happens I will be in a better position to deal with it
My first date hasn't been a great experienceBut then he didn't know that As everI will keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep going It's just hard to stay positive all the timeIt's hard to stay togetherBut I will What other choice do I have?