Ode to the Grown up Boy - on Leaving for UniversityBy Holli
Your sturdy arms encircle me so briefly but so tightly. There is action around us, the lights of cars and cameras, swirl around. The car horns are a dull – only barely piercing my consciousness. The suitcases and carts and people are all petty distractions, the reality around us is nothing. I am flooded with the emotion that is everything. That is my entire heart, my soul - all escape in a hot mess of tears, and my last futile attempts to hold my baby close.
Just minutes ago, we were singing along to the songs that you brought into my life, that will forever connect us through time. No One is Ever Gonna Love You More than I Do… I sang so loudly. I sang those words like an anthem. Like a Band of Horses, they were my ode to you.
We didn’t speak on that last drive through the city, on the way to this moment at the airport, where you have grown up in an instant and now you are gone.
I close my eyes and breathe you in; you, the tiny warm body against mine, just hours after your birth. I am transported for just a second. I am only twenty three. Clueless. A kid myself, but so desperate to be the mom you deserve. I pat the warm smooth fluff of your newborn hair and hold your miracle earlobe in my fingers. I weep.
I am at once elated and terrified. How will I raise you up? What will I give you? What will it take? I am only comforted that the love I have is everything. It encompasses me and it is a shield around you.
And now, as you tower above me, eighteen years have vanished behind us. There is no looking back. You are a man. Have I done the right things? Has the love been enough? Will it shield you now?
You have become so much more than that twenty three year old could imagine. We grew up together, you and me, outside the box. On the edge. Sometimes I held you close to protect you, and at times it was you who held me. Like the middle name I chose for you in those first few days of life, you are, and you have always been ‘Mompati – my companion’. I took you far far away from home. Together we crossed continents and navigated cultures. We have found love and opportunity and profound sadness. We have found joy.
And somewhere in there, you grew up. My quiet, sensitive boy, you became a shining musician and a stellar speaker. You taught yourself the things I couldn’t, and you didn’t hold my weaknesses against me. You see me, the flawed, the fragile... The girl who raised you up with the best of intentions.
And I know today that somehow, the love I had was strong enough. You in turn are stronger. The world awaits you, and it has a great surprise coming.
Please never be afraid to shine or share yourself. You are my gift to the world and I am proud to send you out there. Send you, guitar in tow, with your pile of suitcases, back across the continents, as you head down the footpath at the departures hall. And as you turn to wave goodbye, though my eyes are blurred with tears, I can see that spark, and it calms my worried mother-heart.
Go well Mompati. I love you more than these silly words can say.
These articles might interest you :
The Campus Food Trip series focuses on places near schools and universities that offer appetizing, filling, and budget-friendly food for students or just about... Read moreBy Thelostboylloyd
DIARIES, FOOD & DRINK, SELF EXPRESSION
First, a photographers bright and breezy loft, filled with things she's collected and uses for photo props...awww.... and I love the old radio (I think that's... Read moreBy Decorology
HOME, INTERIOR DESIGN
I've been thinking about mothers and motherhood a lot, at first I thought it was God trying to tell me something - now I think it's because Mother's day is... Read moreBy Forevermelody
I was recently asked about how aspergers affected my university experience and I realised that I haven't talked about it at all. This is my attempt at correctin... Read moreBy Gbollard
poferrymasters.comI am writing today in praise of the humble shipping container. Anonymous and hopelessly boring, this simple metal box has transformed... Read moreBy Center For International Private Enterprise
BUSINESS, CURRENT, POLITICS, SOCIETY
Returning to University After my first stint at university (see part 1) I was very reluctant to return.I had established a comfort zone at work and although I... Read moreBy Gbollard
HEALTH, PSYCHOLOGY, SCHOOLING
The nation’s capital has a mandate for renewable energy and American University is not letting that fact pass them by. Next month, the school plans to have... Read moreBy 2ndgreenrevolution
MOST POPULAR FROM EXPAT
- The Fantabulosa Fairy by Jackscott
- Polvo @ Mother-in-Law Restaurante by Gail Aguiar
- Instant Pot Gooey Chocolate Pudding by Feistytapas
- How to Plan a Car-Free Vacation in the Northeastern States by Expatgermany
MOST RECOMMENDED IN EXPAT
- Snapshots: Reflections of Summer in Sardinia by Jenniferavventura
- Instant Pot Pressure Cooker Vegetable and Pasta Soup with Ham Stock by Feistytapas
- The Fantabulosa Fairy by Jackscott
- Foz Do Douro (Porto) In Black and White by Gail Aguiar