Athletics Magazine

No, I'm Not Getting a Divorce

By Brisdon @shutuprun
You know it's been a good week when you can come up with a crap-load of BEST things that have happened. Read on, friends.

Best Request from a Vet:
I told you that I'm getting my Golden Retriever, Heidi, registered as a therapy dog. This process involves jumping through some hoops. My favorite part has been obtaining a stool sample from Ms. Heidi so that her crap can be tested for parasites.
The vet told me, "So, we will need a stool sample. Just get one the size of a Tootsie Roll." Seriously? Why compare a dog's feces to candy? What if I happen to enjoy Tootsie Rolls? Do you think it is now helpful for me to always and forever look at Tootsie Rolls and remember Heidi's shit in a plastic container?
No, I'm Not Getting a Divorce
Despite her candy-like poops, Heidi will make the best therapy dog in the universe if we can pass the team evaluation. I just hope she doesn't shit Tootsie Rolls on the evaluator.

No, I'm Not Getting a Divorce

Krosby, on the other hand, is way too domineering to be a therapy animal


Best To-Do List:
So, I like keeping my to-do lists old style. I write them by hand and it has to be with a mechanical pencil. My daily to-do lists are on scrap paper. Other to-do lists (groceries, etc) are on sticky notes or small pads of paper. This week, I started (but did not finish) a to-do list of the new fall shows that I want to watch (like the show Divorce with Sarah Jessica Parker). Here it is:

No, I'm Not Getting a Divorce

Don't be jealous of my pad of paper

The fun part was Ken came downstairs and saw the list.
Ken: "So I see on your to-do list you have 'divorce' as an item. Is there something you need to tell me?" I love him. 
Best Inspiration:
On Friday I did my long trail run of 18 miles. By myself. Me, myself and I had lots of quality time together to ponder why Tootsie Rolls look like dog shit, why hot dogs come in packs of 8 but hot dog buns come in packs of 6, and if Sam misses me while he is away at college and cries himself to sleep every night (after doing keg stands and what not).
Anyway, about five miles in, I got to the top of one trail that has sweeping views of Longs Peak and some meadows. There weren't many people out that day, but there was an older runner man sitting on a bench enjoying the solitude (until I came up and farted).
We talked for a bit about our favorite trails, etc. He then shared with me that he can't run fast or well anymore - his diaphragm doesn't work right and he just had a hole in his heart repaired. He demonstrated how hard it is for him to take a deep breath and that he struggles running due to not being able to get enough oxygen.
But here he was, refusing to give up something like trail running that he loves so much. He said he'd rather die doing what he loved than live longer and not do it at all. Yep, I get that. No excuses folks.
Best New (to me) Long Run Fuel:
After doing the TransRockies run it became clear to me that there is an ultra running food that I have been missing out on. So when these were on sale at Costco I made an impulse buy.
No, I'm Not Getting a Divorce

I am usually a whole grain, natural peanut butter and jelly kind of girl - but DAMN. At mile 12 this tasted like heaven. And, it beats a gooey, sugary gel (plus, the cost about 44 cents each, if that).
Best T-Shirt:
I know this is stupid, but stupid is my middle name and stupid is funny. I need this shirt in my life. Watching Ken trying to figure this out by pronouncing it slooowwwllly three times in a row made my whole year. Maybe I won't divorce him after all.
Image result for say eye spell map say ness

Best First Experience:

No I didn't lose my virginity.
Guess what? I actually won my age group at a 5k this weekend (23:13; 7:31 min/mile pace). I've never come in first in my age group before. Doesn't matter that it wasn't a super competitive race or that there were only 33 people in my age group - I won Mother f&ckers!
No, I'm Not Getting a Divorce

Give me one of your 'bests' from the week. Anything goes! Hell, I talked about dog shit.
Favorite long run fuel?
Ever come in first in a race? Not before this weekend, and probably never again (well, maybe when I'm in the 80-89 age group)
SUAR


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