New Year’s Manifesto

This year my New Year’s resolution was to be thankful. I think I have done okay. I have made it a point to say thank you. I, quite habitually, take people for granted. I am still working on this. I owe a lot to my family for continuing to support me, despite the unpopular decisions I have made in the past and my general drifting away. I am indebted, not just financially. I think my resolution for 2014 will be to repay these debts. How do I go about that? I believe in giving back, whether it is to a single person or to the community. I do not identify with a religious community, or a political community. I am trying to find my place within a community of artists, poets, musicians and like-minds. I do not want to be part of a community in which everyone holds the same beliefs and ideals. At the same time, I have to acknowledge that I am, by default, one part of a circle that I was born into. In order to give back, there are certain decisions I have made that need to be undone. I am, strangely, willing to make that sacrifice. On one hand, it irks me that this supposed circle is unable to see me for who I am. On the other hand, I understand that there is a superficial aspect to being accepted, and, while I disagree with it, I know that it is within me to compensate and make a compromise. Still, this makes me question my integrity. Around this time last year I felt as though I had lost my mind. I was incredibly vulnerable. I could no longer tell my feelings apart. I could not think straight. I made decisions that are regrettable. Still, I do not waste time on regrets. I think I have moved on and made up for time lost. I feel like I am in a better place, emotionally and in terms of my life path. I no longer care for the lines in my palms, though I know them like the back of my hand. I no longer care for the ideals that used to plague my mind. I no longer care for the egotism I used to have petted, though I am aware that I cannot escape my ego. I no longer feel the need to be ahead of others, spiritually, mentally or otherwise. I want to know where people come from, and in order to do that, I need to forget where I am trying to get to and allow for their perspectives to come through. I think I can pull this off. I will.