Entertainment Magazine

Never Seen It! Sunday: Showgirls

Posted on the 29 May 2011 by Cinefilles @cinefilles

You know when you're talking to someone you think is like totally happening in a far out way and they ask if you've seen their favourite movie and you lie and say you seen "parts of it" because you don't want to seem like a total pop culture pariah? Yeah, we do too - and we hate ourselves for it! That's why we're vowing to watch at least one movie we've put off, ignored, rejected or just plain-out forgot about every week from now on. Join us every other Sunday as we recount the popping of our cinematic cherries, complete with awkward, over-analytical details!
Never Seen It! Sunday: ShowgirlsPhoto: moviegoods.com

DATE RELEASED: September 22, 1995

WHY NOW?  I've read and heard a lot more about Showgirls over the years, especially since it tops almost every best-of-the-worst list (and earned the most Razzie Award noms ever!). And as you may or may not know, bad movies are pretty much my bread and butter (See: Terribly Awesome!). But I had never actually sat down to watch it. So when new favourite Friends-ly sitcom, Happy Endings, pretty much built an extended joke around it a few weeks back, and I failed to get it, I decided it was time for us to be formerly introduced.
WHY NOT THEN?: I have wanted to see Showgirls since I heard my Mom's review of it back when it was first released: "Disgusting. Just disgusting." I mean, what could be more perversely intriguing? (Well, other than the fact that it starred Jessie Spano - known to non-Bayside Tigers as Elizabeth Berkley). If I had been at least 16 years old, when it came out, I would have been on it like Screech on Lisa in the pre-College Years. But alas, I was only 5. And thought showgirls were simply sparkly bikini-wearing beauty queens/back-up dancers.
  • Jessie Spano in her birthday suit! 
  • Jessie Spano in her birthday suit, making out with that the blonde bitch's from Pretty in Pink's brunette gym class BFF!
  • Trey MacDougal being a first-class asshole.
  • Las Vegas at its absolute flashiest. Pun intended.
  • Vaseline-chic cinematography. If you've seen at least one minute of my favourite show, RuPaul's Drag Race, you know what I'm talking about.
  • Something to do with an attempted staircase murder.
  • LOTS of excessive nudity.
  • LOTS of terrible dialogue.
  • LOTS of velvet, glitter, floral, neon and leopard.
  • A back story that is best described as Burlesque with private dancers.
  • Jessie Spano in her birthday suit - for twenty whole minutes.  
  • Jessie Spano briefly making out with that the blonde bitch's from Pretty in Pink's brunette gym class BFF (Gina Gershon)! In a floral crop top.
  • Trey MacDougal being a first-class asshole - with a mushroom cut!
  • Jake Fratelli playing a blow job-obsessed exotic dance captain/pimp who gives Elizabeth Berkley's character her first big Vegas break. 
  • A definite attempted staircase murder.
  • Lots and LOTS of excessive nudity.
  • Lots and LOTS of terrible,  writing. For example: When this dude tries to sleep with Nomi, she says she has her period. He says, "Yeah right!" She says, "Check!" He does and then says, "Hey, I've got towels!"
  • LOTS of velvet, glitter, floral, neon, leopard and pink plastic beaded curtains!
  • The best camptastic lion-cloth-featured opening who dance number since Satan's Alley .
  • A topless stud-heavy biker dance-off that could be an NC-17 cut of Gaga's next video.
  • Is that Tyce Diorio in a long caveman wig?!
  • A whole lot of love for sassy acrylic crack whore nails. 
  • Girlie bonding over a life long love of...Doggy Chow.
  • A back story that is best described as Burlesque with private dancers who double as prostitutes and the men and women that love them. 
ONE NIGHT-IN STAND OR SECOND DATE POTENTIAL? While I really did enjoy watching this trashy train wreck a lot more than I probably should have, I'm not sure if it was just bad movie lust (I've had a bit of a dry spell in terms of quality crap lately!) or love. Maybe a second viewing will do the trick? Well, once I get over seeing the woman who should have been Mrs. A.C. Slater make helpless dudes so excited and so scared at the same, really skanky time.

You Might Also Like :

Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog

These articles might interest you :

  • A New Way to Shop for the Most Unique Sunglasses

    Shop Most Unique Sunglasses

    These unique sunglasses represent smart style for women's fashion and are only available for a limited time. This startup has made a line of luxury sustainable... Read more

    13 hours, 24 minutes ago by   Meghashop
  • Who Are the Members of Diet Doctor?

    Members Diet Doctor?

    Who are you? We asked our members and received 1,100 replies: Most members are women, and more specifically middle-aged women. This is a group of people that... Read more

    13 hours, 41 minutes ago by   Dietdoctor
  • Self-Transcendence 3100 Mile Race 2017 – Daily Updates – Day 8 – Alan Young

    Self-Transcendence 3100 Mile Race 2017 Daily Updates Alan Young

    A cool calm (wind wise) start to the day. Usual start up work completed but we lose our Manager of the Drinks Food table. Tomorrow it will be Yuri Trostenyuk an... Read more

    14 hours, 23 minutes ago by   Abichal
  • Beautiful Destination Wedding with Pastel Colors | Gemma & Sean

    Beautiful Destination Wedding with Pastel Colors Gemma Sean

    Chic Stylish Weddings Chic Stylish Weddings - The destination wedding we are sharing today is so beautiful; from the pastel colored flowers used for the... Read more

    15 hours, 29 minutes ago by   Eleni Balkouli
  • The Humor Writing Business

    Making people laugh is no laughing matter. Someone should have told me this before I...oh, wait, a lot of people did but, as usual, I never take advice that run... Read more

    17 hours, 35 minutes ago by   C. Suresh
  • Baptism of My Babies. All of Them.

    Baptism Babies. Them.

    Today was so emotionally intense for me. Three of our seven children were baptized at the church Matt and I met in and got married in. Each one has been... Read more

    17 hours, 49 minutes ago by   Rachel Rachelhagg
  • Asparagus and Courgette Rice

    Asparagus Courgette Rice

    I wanted to cook us something quick and light today . . . fresh, and healthy. I remembered seeing this recipe in the June issue of Food to Love and I had... Read more

    17 hours, 50 minutes ago by   Mariealicerayner