Neighbours

I think I mentioned recently that one of my neighbours died An elderly manNow his wife is left aloneI call over a few times a week to run some errands for her And walk her dog Yesterday she asked me to pick up a couple of things for her from the shop in the villageI collected the items todayAnd called over to herHer hearing is quite bad She doesn't hear the doorbellSo usually I give a loud knock And let my self inI walked through the living roomAnd in to the kitchen She had her back to meAnd got a bit startled when I said her nameJust then I realised what she was doingShe was pouring herself a glass of white wineIt was 10 30 am
I didn't know what to doSo I said nothing And acted like I hadn't seen anythingThen she told me she was planning on driving to the church down the roadI became worried as it is dangerous for her to drive at allNever mind when she has drink on her
This makes me worryI've known for some time that this woman and her husband like to drinkA lotThey met in AA over 20 years agoBut some where along the road They started drinking againThe woman was hospitalised a couple of years ago due to complications from drinkingShe was in hospital for monthsIt was nothing short of a miracle that she pulled throughThere has been trouble in that house over the yearsDisruptionThe guards were called numerous timesThey often injured themselves from falling over while drunkAnd then a couple of months ago The husband suffered a strokeHis wife didn't call the ambulance until three days laterAs she though he was slurring his words and having trouble moving because he was drunkHe was hospitalisedAnd died six weeks later 
Now the woman is on her ownHer mind is sharpBut her body is old and wearyShe really can't afford to be drinkingIf something happens to herIf she falls or passes out There is no one there to help herIt's really very worrying
This is the ugly face of addictionThis is what happens when it gets a grip on someone All common sense and logic goes out the windowAnd the drink or drug takes overIf I need a reminder of the damage that addiction doesI need look no further than in to this woman's houseShe is very much on her own No one ever calls to her houseShe rarely seems to see her familyIt's a sad and lonely existence 
Today is Day 5 for meI got to two meetings yesterday An AA at lunch timeAnd an NA last nightIt was my first NA meetingAnd what a breath of fresh air it wasIt was a small meetingFour guys and meI was so warmly welcomed backWhich made me feel all warm and fuzzy insideI just have such a good feeling about thisAbout recovery My meetings And the people in themI have an instinct that I am on the right pathThat if I keep recovery focusedThen I can get my life back on track
When I was usingI was behaving so out of characterSo shadyLying CheatingSneakingPlotting and planningDucking and divingTrying to hide it from my familyThe tension in the house The worry on my mothers faceNo drug is worth that No drug is worth my peace of mind and my families tooNow I am getting back on trackMy family can breathe a sigh of reliefThey don't fully trust me yetThat will take time And I understand thatI am willing to do the workOne day at a time 
I've had to stop weighing myselfIt was becoming a bit of an obsessionAnd anyway I've been the same weight for the past few monthsGive or take a kilo I'm not entirely happy with my weight I would love to be 5 - 6 pounds lessBut I can live with this weightJust about
So I am in a pretty good place My head is a quiet place todayI'm working hard to stay well To keep steady To stay clean and soberTo nurture my relationshipsAnd earn back trust I was saying last night That maybe it took this relapse to get me back on trackAnd if it did Then it was so worth itI regret nothing it's made me the person I am today And that person is not a bad person 
I will get a meeting in tonight And a couple over the weekend I'm actually looking forward to itAnd that my friendsIs a freakin' revelation!