I Had a Black Dog – His Name is Depression
Churchill famously called his depression ‘his black dog…’
And for the past few 40 years (I’m 52 now) I’ve tried to ‘house train’ mine. But like a rebellious puppy mine has stubbornly refused to pee outside. Instead it cocks its leg wherever and whenever it sees fit…
I tried therapy many years ago only to be paired with a pompous prick who annoyed me from the start – maybe it was the open toed sandals or the copy of the Guardian on his table. Whatever it was that first session became a battle of wills with me playing the saboteur. One session back in the eighties that left me even more convinced therapy and counseling was for weird rich American’s with too much cash and time on their hands…
Little did I know then my Black Dog could have been sent to the kennel – instead for 25 years or more it has been me in the doghouse…
A failed marriage – self medicating with alcohol and throwing myself into stressful job after stressful fed my black dog and it grew – it became my pack leader. At times I didn’t even know it was there but as if a trainer had blown one of those silent dog whistles it would be back. And rather than the wriggly puppy I could push away when not in the mood – it had grown into a slavering slobbering beast…
And like an unruly bored dog that chews your furniture – my black dog chewed me up inside and consumed me totally…
Tackle Your Depression
Then something magical happened. I found a new life with a partner who has the most amazing insight – patience and love. She recognized my black dog in an instant and despite is snapping and snarling at her on a regular basis, she refused to back away – she knew it had to be tamed…
It’s been far from easy and Kate has withstood some truly horrendous behavior – for which I’m deeply sorry. But by coaxing and convincing me with gentle teaching and a slice of tough love – I see my own black dog shrinking within me….
My first step was to admit I suffer from depression. Sounds easy huh..?
Trust me it’s taken me many years to recognize it and then do something about it…
My GP has been extremely kind and has worked with me to take my black dog on with medication and yeah you guessed it counselling!!! It’s taken a while to get my meds right – and after three IAPT sessions with a counselor I instantly took a liking too – I have taken the first hesitant steps to recovery…
It’s early days and my black dog is still there – but he’s subdued and growling like a tired old junk-yard dog – ready in an instant to snap and snarl. But like any dog – he’s almost had is day…
Watch the amazing video or buy the book I Had a Black Dog from Amazon – and please if anything registers with you – seek help – don’t leave it too late.
Don’t Let Your Black Dog Grow
