Today I ran 11 miles in 1:38 (8:55 pace). It was pretty damn swell, so I thought I’d give you some tips on how to make your long run swell as well (rhyme!).
1. Drink at least 2 cups of coffee because it boosts performance (or so “they” say – I’m just going with it because I happen to love coffee more than chocolate, but not more than wine). From Runner’s World:
2. Make every effort to poop before you go. If you don’t, there is a 97.3% chance you will have to go on the run or you will be uncomfortable and gassy the whole way. Food for thought: I could only get out rabbit pellets before I went. NG (Not Good).
3. Always plan your route ahead of time, down to the .00001 of a mile. I used Map My Run. Today I thought I would try this route, but then I got too excited (TWSS).
4. Stop to take pictures of things like pigs and wonder how the hell these sweet, smelly bastards cause cancer (think: bacon). I think the there is probably not much that smells worse than a pig’s butthole – bacon farts?
5. Also notice Halloween things along the way and photograph the best decoration you see. Then post it on Pinterest and say you made it from scratch.
6. Ask your husband to take a staged picture of you running because you will have to post on Instagram today because that is what runners do. Why else would I run (JK).
7. Never forget to notice the beauty around you unless you live in a really ugly place. In that case I’m sorry. Why do you live there?
8. Try to stop singing the same song in your head for 11 miles. It’s usually the last song you heard on the radio before you started your run. Today I was channeling my inner Taylor Swift: “Say you'll remember me standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset, babe. Red lips and rosy cheeks. Say you'll see me again. Even if it's just in your wildest dreams.”
9. Stop and eat a chocolate rage GU because it tastes like a Tootsie Roll and in honor of Halloween you are thinking about Tootsie Rolls all day even though you don’t really like them that much.
10. Try to throw in a fast mile around mile 9 just to see if you can do it. Realize that this makes you much more tired and maybe you should never do that again.
11. Finish kind of strong, but not really. Get a text that is better than sex:
That’s a long run wrap-up! Time to lay around the rest of the day because I already did something productive and no need to over exert myself.
I suppose I can get up off the couch to give out candy. This year we went with the full sized candy bars. You can see how desperately I want kids that I don’t know to like me.
Did you do a long run this week? How far?
What’s your favorite candy? What are you handing out this year? I am not a huge candy lover. But, I’d say Reese's are probably my fave.
SUAR
