Murphy's Laws of Parenting
Parenting is a day to day adventure. Anything can happen at any moment, and it varies from child to child. You never know what to expect!
After a series of recent events in my household, I was inspired to list some of the Murphy’s Laws of Parenting. Don’t know what Murphy’s Laws are? Basically, they are events where anything that can go wrong will go wrong.For example:
- It will rain as soon as you wash your car.
- You get into the 'Express Lane' at the grocery store and then stand there waiting for 30 minutes.
Here’s a list of my Murphy’s Laws for parents. Some may be familiar to you, but most have been inspired by my day to day life with my kids:
- Kids won’t notice your existence until you: a) make an important phone call, b) go to the bathroom, c)pick up a good book, etc. There’s something magical about a parent who moves and acts like any other adult. Sit right next to your child though, and you’re non-existent.
- The phone will ring or someone will knock on the door just as you sit down to nurse the baby. It never fails. You sit down, get a good latch, and then either the phone rings or someone knocks on the door. Breastfeeding moms, I’m sure you know how I feel! Sure, you can keep the cordless or your cell next to you, but them that’s just inviting someone to call…
- You get the hiccups just when you get to an important point in your rant about…well, anything. When I try to talk to my daughter in a serious voice about why it’s not nice to pinch people, I get the hiccups. When I try to explain to my son that it’s not polite to call people ‘bubble face’, I get the hiccups. They kinda ruin the entire discussion…
- Your children will be the exact opposite of what you expect. A child may look sweet and innocent, but looks can be deceiving! Or, you may have been a quiet child, but your children turn out to be wild Energizer Bunnies (in my case).
- Every child will pee on you at some time. Okay, this one you should expect. You’ll go to open the diaper or switch out the old for the new and splish splash, you’re given a pee bath. And let’s not forget the times the diapers leak or they forget to go potty when only wearing underwear. Get a poncho. You may need it someday!
- Your car will be completely empty of gas when you are running late for an appointment. It never fails; you may be very good at monitoring the gas level in your car, but the day before you have an appointment for something, you won’t even notice that the level of gas in your car is actually negative, way past the little E. Not that I have experience in this…
- Even though you vowed never to become your parents you became them anyway. It’s okay to admit it. It has happened to all of us at one point or another.
- Chances are if you have an emergency with one kid they will all need your attention at the same time. Child 1 scrapes a knee while at the same time Child 2 needs a drink and Child 3 needs an immediate diaper change, which leads me to the next one...
- Babies will wait to have a blowout diaper until right before you leave the house. It doesn’t matter why you’re leaving the house, but just because you decided to meticulously plan your outing, the baby will have a blowout, up the back, super gross diaper. Get out the poncho and some rubber gloves; you’ll need them for cleanup. To prevent the blowout diaper from holding you back, you could ‘pretend’ to be ready to leave about 15 minutes earlier than expected. That way, you’ll be able to clean up the explosion and still leave on time. (C’mon. Who has time to pretend to leave?!)
- Just when you think you know how to raise your children, someone changes the rules. Think about it: thirty years ago, it was okay to have your baby sleep on his/her belly. Ten years ago, it was recommended that they sleep on their sides, propped up. Now, we all know back-is-best. Just imagine how our parents or grandparents feel when they have to babysit!
- The kids will wake up from a nap the moment you start a task you were hoping to accomplish while they were sleeping. Do you want to know how many times I sat down to write this during naptime??
- A doorbell or phone will ring when you finally get your fussy baby to sleep. What took an hour or more to accomplish can take a mere second to undo. You could bounce or rock all you want, but the second you place your little angel down to sleep, he or she will be awakened.
- Company will come to visit the day you decide to rest instead of cleaning up after the kids. You know it's futile to clean up with kids in the house, and yet you still try every day. But the one day that you just let them tear everything apart, there will be a knock at the door.
- Kids will beg and plead for a toy or game, only to become instantly bored with it a mere hour after receiving it. Just wait until Christmastime. You’ll see.
