I was supposed to meet a friend in the evening before my meetingBut he cancelled So I had the whole day aloneAbout two hours before the meetingI began to argue with myself whether to go or notI was going around in circles in my headAnd couldn't make a decision one way or the otherMy mother came home And I was I foul humourI finally decided to go to the meetingBut I was now running late and needed to hussle
I jumped in my carFeeling under pressureI was speeding along I got on to the main roadAnd I could feel the anxiety building in meThen it all got too muchAnd I had to pull in to the side of the roadI didn't know what to doI felt so overwhelmed I rang my mumAnd she told me to go home So I turned around And admitted defeat
I got homeAnd felt like utter crapI really wanted and needed to get to a meeting And was beating myself up that I didn't goMy mother told me to write off the dayAnd start a fresh today
I haven't been to a meeting since SaturdayAnd I really feel itI feel tense AnxiousA little bit crazy It just goes to show I do need a meeting every day at the momentI need all the help I can get right nowBut if nothing elseI learned something from this weekendThat I shouldn't spend too long on my ownAnd I need regular meetings
I had my doctor appointment this morning as yesterday was a bank holidayI woke up feeling a lot betterAnd headed in for 9 amHe mentioned the fact that we were supposed to decrease my methadone today I put up no fightAs I am all out of excuses and reasons not toSo it was dropped from 26 to 24 mlsI probably won't even notice it to be honest
For the last couple of yearsI've been having a lot of trouble with the nail on my big toe It was in grown in the pastAnd part of it had to be removedAnd then it started to discolour And grew extremely thickI've been meaning to show it to my doctor for monthsAnd finally got around to it todayHe said it would have to come offAnd made an appointment for me for next TuesdayI don't even mindI am just glad that fine thing is being five about it at long last
After my doctorI had an appointment with my counselor Breda We talked about a lot of thingsShe really is very goodOne of the best I have seenIt's great because there are so many positives in my life right nowSo many things to be grateful for I have so much supportAnd as I always sayIf love and support could get me wellI would have got well a long time ago
I even feel better about my body image todayWhich is so good Eve made the point on my last postThat feeling ugly at certain times is not an ED thingIt's a girl thingAnd you know I think she is rightI think a lot of the timeOur confidenceAnd self esteemIs connected to our appearanceIt shouldn't be But it isSo I tried on my outfit again todayHere it is......
