Mock Bar (And Why I Should Be Happy)

On September 30, I took my first mock bar exam (Labor Law). Among our school's peculiar policies is the taking of mock bar exam of students in all year levels. In most schools, such is only given to fourth years. A student may take one or two exams depending on the subjects he has taken. Some of my classmates had two: Civil and Labor Law. As for me, I was lucky to only have one.
I wasn't ready for the exam but I was a little bit excited for it. It's like we were given a tiny slice of a barrister's experience. And although I don't see myself as someone who would be a practitioner in the legal field, it inspired me to strive more to be a legit bar taker. If you follow me on Twitter, you've probably read my hilarious tweets hours prior my exam. I was stupidly ecstatic.
Our exam was a 100 item MCQ, good for 2 hours. It was 2 glorious hours of shading.
So today, the results were released. I went to the COL office and asked for my score. I wasn't nervous but I wasn't expecting for anything big either. I awkwardly waited for 5 minutes while my guy classmates who I haven't spoken to for a year now were laughing and conversing in front of me. Then a small sheet of paper was handed to me. There was my score. Barely made it to the cutoff. I was happy.
I went down and feed myself, first time to consume the waffle sold in the canteen. I ate alone and thought of how fucked up my life is. How I've no one to share my table with, how I have no one to invite to have snacks with, how I always walk alone in the corridors. And how terrible the waffle and the saleslady are.
I went back up to continue on my cramming when I saw kuya Albert sitting on the staircase. I knew instantly that he was crying. Of course he stopped as soon as he saw me. I asked him why, which was kind of a stupid move (never ask a crying person WHY). He said nothing. Then told me to go inside the library. I kept silent and sat beside him. I patted his shoulder. I had a feeling of what was going on and I didn't need him to tell me that. And so he didn't. He was cautious not to because he gets more emotional. I am awful in comforting people and I may have said a few words to kuya. I hope I made him feel better.
Today is our finals week and I have 4 more exams to hurdle. I have every right to be angry and sad and lonely with all that is happening with my life now. I have failing subjects left and right, I have no friends at school that I can really share table and stories with, the person who I thought knew me best and would never leave despite my insecurities and badness, left me still and my low low mock bar score. I have all the reasons to curse the world for whatever physical and psychological difficulties that I'm going through. But I won't. Because when I look into the details of my life closely, I see how blessed I am, still.
I should be thankful and happy still that I have a family that I can share my struggles to and understands me, kahit paulit-ulit na. I have mama and papa who work tirelessly to pay for my schooling and rent and to provide us a life that is envied by many. I have friends at home who never mind talking to me from dusk till dawn and even grabs my food from my mouth. I learned how to love unselfishly even with all the risks and disagreements. The position paper I made for my group was favored by the faux Labor Arbiter (though none of my group-mates said thanks except for kuya Alfred who shared in the work). And most importantly, I have God to always turn to when things get so messed up.
I should be happy still.
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