Mission Complete....

It's Sunday morningAnd I am satCrossleggedOn my living room floorWith a hot cup of teaAnd the TV on in the backgroundI wrote yesterday about going to a meetingAnd I am pleased to tell you that I did in fact go to a meeting last evening It was quite strange reallyBut in the last couple of days I have been feeling like I have to get to a meeting Usually I would rather eat my own foot than go to a meetingBut yesterday it just felt urgent that I get to one The meeting was about half an hour awaySo I asked my Mum to come As I have often been on my way in to said meeting And ended up somewhere completely different So what has kept me away from the meetings?Anxiety mainly And fear that people don't like me But yesterday WellI was able to put those fears aside for some reason I'm not quite sure why But I jumped on the opportunity to try and make some real progress
Mum and I left the house at about 5 20I was so anxious and nervous on the way in That I couldn't even talk I just kept thinking It'll be over before i know itWe arrived at the building There were only two cars in the car parkI looked up to one of the windows where the light was on I could see movement People I didn't recognise I took a deep breathOpened the car doorAnd headed for the entrance Walking inMy body felt weak and heavy with nervesWalking up the stairs I could barely lift my feetI felt like I was going to hit the deckBut I kept going I came to a closed door I could hear voices beyond I silently reached for the handle And pushed inI scanned the room quicklyThree guys I didn't recognize any of them The meeting had started So I took the nearest seat And took deep breathes to calm down Just then the door opened And a girl walked inShe smiled at me as she came inI smiled backAnd she took a seat opposite me 
I don't know if you know how meeting s work But at the start The literature is read out Which takes about 15 minutes Then the meeting is opened And people can share Although there is no pressure You don't have to speak a word if you don't want toI had told myself that I wouldn't speak Just to get myself in the door But being there And feeling the magic of the programme I decided to say a few wordsI didn't say anything too personalJust a bit about myself And my story I finished up And the final literature was read out We stood in a circle to say the serenity prayer And that was itIt was over I spoke to the girl for a while afterwardsShe gave me her number Which I thought was really nice of her All in allIt was a good experience And I'm glad I went But I know the real test for me Is going when I don't want to goWhen I think I don't need to go When it's raining outside And I am cosied up beside the fire and don't want to leave the house Usually People in recovery count their clean time I never have Because I never got any substantial amount of clean time to count But I can see the benefit of itFrom counting my smoke free timeSo I've decided to start today St. Valentine's Day Day number one 
As always Thank you for your continued support It means more than you know