You all may not have figured this out about me yet, but I am in fact a woman. (Surprise!) Or ‘girl’, depending on when one turns into a woman. I could take the Britney Spears route and say “I’m not a girl, not yet a woman” but, I digress. What it really comes down to is the fact that I have tits and a hoo-ha (aka, bajingo, if you watch scrubs). Because of said tits and hoo-ha I have often gotten the cold shoulder from my similarly endowed Sistah’s. So I have to ask, what gives?
For some god-unknown reason we all feel the need to best the bitch next to us. Emily bought a new purse from walmart? Bitch, I’m gonna buy Prada. Liz got a new boyfriend? Bitch, Imma get married. Oh, you married a doctor? That’s cool, I married Albert Einstein. No, he’s not dead.
This is even more profound when women are put into groups for extended periods of time. Aside from the fact that our bodies decide to all sync up like some kind of fucked up swim team, when we get in groups we tend to take our competitive nature to scary places. If you’ve seen shows like The Bachelor, Real Housewives of bumblefuck nowhere, or have been to basically any sorority then you’ve probably seen this in action.
It’s not just competitiveness either, oh no, even our already fragile emotional state is pretty much pushed to the brink of insanity. We become catty-gozilla-monsters who put passive-aggressive notes all over the place and throw temper tantrums when our soy milk disappears from the fridge. Recently there was even a story of a sorority house smack-down that resulted in a lawsuit. The cause? A Facebook status.
According to papers filed by Sarah Grimes’ attorney on June 26, Grimes and Kristen Saban got into a physical altercation in late August 2010 after a night of drinking. Grimes alleges that Saban was complaining about a young man she was dating and that Grimes told Saban to “shut up,” allegedly prompting Saban to post “No one likes Sarah! Yayyyyy!” on Facebook.
Grimes asked Saban to take down the post and, according to the complaint, Saban shoved Grimes into a door and punched her “multiple times” in her head and nose. Saban allegedly had such a grip on Grimes hair that it took two other girls to pull her off.
Seriously, that is scary stuff. Maybe I don’t understand because I was raised by my father. Maybe I’m simply more mature. Whatever the reason, I know for a fact that my reaction would be far from beating the shit out of someone. Mostly because I have the hand/eye coordination of a blind person and would get my ass handed to me or end up punching myself in the face. Oh, and because violence doesn’t solve anything.
So ladies, let’s make an effort to chill the hell out and be a bit nicer to each other. Just remember that you’re a pretty, pretty princess and no matter what anyone says you are loved by somebody. Hug it out, don’t punch it out.