Job Update

As you may knowI applied for a job a couple of weeks agoIn an assisted living center for the elderlyI sent in my applicationAnd made it to the interview roundWhich I had last ThursdayI was hoping to hear something this weekBut I didn't hear a peepAs you also may know I have little or no patience I checked our letter box obsessively Hoping to find a letter It was killing me not knowing if I had got the job or notI just wanted to know either waySo After there was no word yesterdayThe thought of having to wait the whole weekend for an update was too muchAnd I decided to take the bull by the horns And ring the manager of the centreWho was also one of the interviewers I dialled the number And waited as the phone rang and rangJust as I was about to end the callThe manager picked upI told her who I was She remembered meWhich I thought was a good signAnd asked if the position had been filledI was fully expecting her to say it had been But instead She apologisedAnd informed me that the board needed to have one more meeting before making a final decision I took that as good news I still might have a chance!The manager asked me if I was interested in the summer job Which would be working in their holiday center for the summer monthsI thought 'What the hellAnd said I wasA job is a job right?That led me to think that she might have me in mind for that jobI'd be happy with thatI'm just excited for someone to give me a chance to show that I can work hard and well And I think the holiday center would be a lovely place to work It would mean dealing with people all dayWhich would give me little or no time to devote to my EDIt would give me structure and purposeThings I really crave at the moment
Although I think I still have a shot at getting the job in the assisted living centreI feel they may be looking for someone with more experience But the thing is How am I to gain experience if no one gives me a chance?It might be a gamble to employ meBut it's a gamble that I believe could pay offButAs ever I have all bases covered And there is the option of the stables If the job doesn't pan outAnd that is something that I am super excited aboutThe stables itself is quite near where I liveAnd it's a whole new projectSo it would be awesome to be part of thatSo what ever happens I will be happy either way It's actually exciting to see what will happen in the future nowI've been stuck for so long So to be finally moving forward And making steps to get well and gel myself is really making me feel good about myself My doctor is always telling me that I am too talented to just be sitting around I don't know about being talented But I could just waste my life away out in here in my little houseFor a long time I didn't want to do anything I didn't want to move forwardI was content to abuse my medsAnd spend my days slipping in and out of sleep Sitting on the mat beside the fire place Chain smoking Not giving a shit about myself Or anything else 
But there has been change in the last couple of years I am now 18 months smoke freeI've had periods of time when my ED was in remissionI am now taking my meds correctly and properly Which is huge progressAs for years I had used and abused them NowMy Mother looks after my medsAnd gives me them every morning And that seems to workI know I can't trust myself to take them properly And there is nothing wrong with a bit of supportWhatever works, right?
So All in all Things are moving along nicely Of course there is much work to do There is always work to doBut I feel like I am finally getting a grip on my life My ED is a daily battleI have good days And bad days Days when I don't want to get out of bed Days when my purging is off the scale But the good days more than make up for the bad ones I have days when I laugh until my sides hurtI have days when I feel loved and liked and needed and wantedOn a good day I feel something approaching happinessI feel content to be meI look at myself in the mirror And feel ok with what I seeThese days make it all worthwhile 
Which brings me to my next pointI want you to know That no matter how bad things get No matter how low you goThere is always hope There are always possibilities and opportunities There is always a way outSometimes our issues and problems become so heavy That we don't think we can carry on I know I have been thereAddiction and disordered eating have been part of my life for 15 years nowBut you know what?I live with these conditionsI don't die with them I have been at deaths door Many many times I know I am lucky to have made it out alive For the longest timeMine and my families life was bedlam So chaoticSo dysfunctional So all over the placeBut we rode the stormAnd came out the other side stronger and closer than ever They saw that doctors hate to see a patient with an ED comingAs they are so hard to treatAnd often the one person who has the key to recovery is the one person that doesn't want to recover EDs are complex and complicated illnessEvery one is different Everyone is individual And even though the symptoms are the same Each case must be treated differently It's not easyBy nature We ED girls are secretive and private We don't want others to know our shameful secrets Heck we can barely admit them to ourselvesNever mind anyone else But if we want to recoverWe need to take that leap of faith Bite the bully And take a chance on opening up to someone Over the years I have come to a point where I can talk and write pretty openly about my life, my addiction and my EDMaybe I am too open I don't know But I do know for a factThat talking about it helpsOpening up and sharing the weight of our troubles helps It lessens the burden It helps us let goSo Today I ask youI urge youTo talk to someone Choose one person Someone you trust A family member A friend Maybe someone on the Internet Pick one personAnd talk to them Tell them what's in your headAnd what is breaking your heartYou won't regret itAnd I promise you you'll feel better So do itDon't even think about itOr give yourself time to back out of itJust do itEven if it's an experiment to see what happens Just do it you have nothing to lose...
If you did happen to talk to someone todayLet me know how you got onWho you spoke toHow it went How you felt afterwards Inquiring minds want to know...