From a woman’s point of view
So last night an acquaintance of mine hosted an event called “insight into the everyday man”– basically it was a panel of three men bravely sitting on stage for over 3 hours taking questions from an audience of fifty women!
And these are tough New York urban women, mind you! Asking everything from “Why do men lie?” to “bare vs. bush” (my question!).
In a nutshell, we spoke about some very hard issues and learned that men aren’t as complex or care about the same things that women do. I think a lot of the questions revealed the insecurities that women have (How can I get him to marry me? Or how do I get out of the friendzone?) and how much these answers can be solved by communication.
Having a conversation
A man’s reaction to a tough conversation about your relationship can tell you all you need to know about where you both are heading, or not going. Men have fears, and they aren’t taught to express those fears. So when you bring up the conversation about the future or commitment, and if he reacts angrily, silent, or defensive then that is a major red flag that your beau isn’t interested in moving with you further. Yes, men get scared, but a guy that wants to stay with you will get over that fear and communicate that. Very few guys are willing to come right out and say they don’t want to commit because they fear our reactions and hey,
**Bitches be Crazy**
But the point is, many of our questions of what is going on in his head can be solved by having a conversation. You should be listening for what he DOESN’T say as much as what he DOES say.
Standards or Pressure
So when I walked into the event, I was late and walked into the middle of a conversation about why it was so tough for women in New York City versus the South to meet nice men. One of the gentleman answering was comparing his dating experience from the West Coast and the South, and concluded that the women up here put “more pressure” on guys. From his point of view, he could understand why — meaning some of the B.S we have to put up with, but sometimes the pressure can be too tough, or women too difficult to approach. I of course, had to intervene and ask, “Pressure or Standards?”
Women (as well as men) should have standards. I’m a very blunt and honest person and I expect my partner to be similar too. That’s one of my standards. So if I feel that someone is making excuses or half-truths, then he isn’t living up to what I expect. Now, some standards can be unrealistic (tall, dark, rich, handsome, and not older than 30) while others are more reasonable (intellectual, provider, honesty, faithful etc…).
One woman, who claims that she was a lawyer, felt that she can only date men who are financially better off or work a white collar job in typically lucrative professions (doctors, lawyers…etc). It was her claim that these men were more intellectual. She has dated the bus driver with sexy abs but who had an empty head. And well, she hasn’t met a stupid doctor.
She slipped up and said, “To me, if a man is working in that field then he’s not smart, because an intellectual person would want to build their wealth.”
Well in today’s market the legal industry is actually over-saturated with lawyers as she would know, and many grads are having a tough time finding a job. Never mind one in a lucrative practice. Meanwhile, many folks who work for our city’s Metropolitan Transit Authority, not only have college degrees but do so in mechanical engineering and yes– a bus driver can make 100K a year with overtime. She interjected that it was the exception rather than the norm. I clarified that her point was a stereotype and not a fact. Anything based off your experience is a stereotype. Period.
But I digress, standards— we need to clarify what is necessary and what isn’t. I remember when I was with Jon, he claimed to enjoy “stimulating intellectual” conversations, but his idea of intellectual was based on science fiction shows, and not real life science. Thus, one can only judge another intellectual capabilities by how smart one is.
Going Forward
So I want to introduce the moderator of this event, his name is Deejay Jason Grae. He did an excellent job providing his own input and kept the forum moving. You can find Deejay Grae on Facebook. There will definitely be more events here in Brooklyn, which I hope you can all make. However, if you can’t, you can still ask a question to gain insight to the everyday man. Do you want to know what men think, and why they do the things they do (or don’t do) in relationships? Well, email me a question to reporterandthegirl at gmail (dot) com or you can post it in the comments section.
I will post each question with Deejay Grae’s response!
