in the land of gods and monsters, I was an angel, looking to get fucked hard
Do you ever surprise yourself sometimes merely by liking something that, according to your definition of yourself, you just shouldn’t like?
I was out shopping with my boyfriend the other day, in the sun. He had come a long way to see me, only for one day, and he wanted to take me out and give me everything I wanted. I earn very little compared to him, and he is an incredibly strange man, in that he enjoys spending money on me so much it borders on the ridiculous. I watch female sales assistants as he carries pairs of shoes and arms full of clothes to the check out, and their response to his long-suffering-boyfriend banter is always the same. He likes to joke (even though everyone present knows this is not the case, and everyone knows everyone else knows as well) that I am a high-maintenance girlfriend. That I have him wrapped around my little finger. He makes some light-hearted remark, grinning from ear to ear, about how I’ll have cleaned him out completely by the end of the day. The sales assistant laughs good-naturedly, and says something along the lines of how I’ve landed on my feet with this guy. She looks at me in my jeans and Converse, smiling adoringly at him from behind my DIY fringe, and she laughs because she knows it is safe to laugh; that I am not that girl at all.
Anyway, while we were shopping I spotted a pair of shoes that you can see above. I don’t think I’ve so much as tried on a pair of pink shoes since I was about nine, and yet here I was, clapping my hands as I shimmied the most impractical, Barbie-esque, super-girly, plastic-fantastic shoes in the whole shop onto my size 5’s. I didn’t know whether I liked them ironically in a sort of young-feminist-movement-re-appropriates-a-gender-stereotype kind of way - like kawaii, Hello Kitty and the whole Cher Horowitz aesthetic have been reclaimed - OR whether I just straight-up liked them because they were pink and made me look like Barbie. Is there even a difference?
Part of me would like to think they are a sartorial choice. That I am referencing Courtney Love or early days Buffy The Vampire Slayer, before she found out she was the Chosen One. But I can’t say I’m certain.
